


Wild and an Untamed Thing

by beccastanz



Category: Rocky Horror Picture Show, Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Voyeurism, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Background characters will hook up often and in various combinations, Ben is soft for Rey, Bisexuality, Crossdressing, Cunnilingus, Eventual Smut, Exhibitionism, F/M, Female Masturbation, HEA, I promise, Internalized Biphobia, Kinda, Loss of Virginity, Male Masturbation, Masturbation, Mention of Past Sexual Harassment, Mentions of Anxiety, Multi, Mutual Pining, No Pregnancy, People will kiss and stuff at Cast parties but Reylo is the endgame HEA, Rey/Ben will not hook up with other characters just truth or dare, Rocky Horror, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, and then hard for Rey, angsty masturbation, but they will work through the angst and come out stronger, cast party shenanigans, college is hard y’all, heterosexuality? In this economy?, life is hard y’all, men in corsets, men in lingerie, mentions of depression, plenty of gratuitous masturbation to make up for the slow burn, tags to be added but tagging everything that will def show up, virgins in Rocky Horror? More likely than you’d think, will be tagged and warned and able to be skipped please dm if you have questions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-16
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:22:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24221251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beccastanz/pseuds/beccastanz
Summary: Rey’s used to looking up to meet his eyes but this...she would have to practically break her neck to see the underside of his chin, not that she wants to when his legs are on full display, muscles taut with the strain of staying vertical in 6 inch platform heels. He looks, in a word, magnificent.AKA: The Reylo RHPS College Shadowcast AU that no one asked for ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ON HIATUS (WILL RETURN)
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, other untagged relationships
Comments: 192
Kudos: 170
Collections: Queerly Beloved Reylo Fics, Reylo Prompt Fills (@reylo_prompts)





	1. it was great when it all began

**Author's Note:**

  * For [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many weeks ago, this idea came to me and I could not let go. I even sent it to @reylo_prompts in the hopes that someone would write it. However, as my longing for my shadowcast days and my love of Reylo grew, I realized I had to write it myself. This is my second fic ever and my first attempt at multichapter, multi character fic, so comments and feedback are appreciated. 
> 
> Moodboard and beta by the absolute angel [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda)
> 
> NOTE: If you have never seen a shadowcast production of Rocky Horror, (be just and) fear not! Neither has Rey, so she gets an overview from her pals. I have also made a little guide of sorts in the notes below so you can get your bearings. If you haven’t seen the original movie, please do! It’s perfect quarantine viewing!
> 
> Without further ado, let’s start the fucking fanfic!

As Rey arrives at the entrance to her new dorm, two large suitcases and a backpack carrying the entirety of her possessions, she lets out an uncharacteristic sigh of relief.

She made it.

ID card in hand, Rey swipes into the suite that she is set to share with 3 other girls - she’s used to living with others, a symptom of her upbringing, but she cannot help feeling a bit of trepidation as she considers what they may be like. You can only tell so much over email…

Will they welcome her? Ignore her? Smother her in her sleep? Rey supposed she could deal with pretty much anything life threw at her at this point, but still, it would be nice to get along with her roommates. Her concerns are alleviated almost immediately as a small, enthusiastic bundle of energy comes barreling towards her as she crosses the threshold.

“You must be Rey!” 

Rey nods, mentally recalculating the maximum amount of pep she thought it possible for one person to contain. 

“I’m Rose, it’s so great to meet you! Let me show you our room; Kay and Jannah have the other one.”

Rose grabs one of Rey’s suitcases unprompted, the one practically as big as her, and rolls it through the small shared living room into their bedroom.

“When the University told us we were going to be paired with an international student, we were so excited! It’s tough when you make a room request for 3 people, you never know who the 4th person is gonna be, but you seemed really cool over email!” 

Rey gives her her best attempt at a smile, trying to acknowledge the kindness she’s receiving—it’s unfamiliar. 

“Thanks for letting me decorate the room, I got here first thing in the morning so I could get it all done!”

Rey takes stock of where she will be spending the next 9 months, and she has to admit, it is not entirely unpleasant. Rose has a good eye; string lights are artfully draped along the walls, a few inches below the ceiling. She’s hung a couple of paintings and movie posters on her side, and several photos of her with her friends. Rey notices two girls, Kay and Jannah, she surmises, as well as a few photos of a larger group. One features the three girls, arms around each other, and four guys: one redhead, two men who appeared to be kissing, and a man with dark hair obstructing most of his face from the camera, save for a small hint of an upturned lip as he avoids looking at the embrace unfolding between them all. 

“It looks great, Rose. Thank you,” said Rey, moving to unzip her suitcases and begin to unpack—it was already well into the afternoon, and she hoped to tour the campus before the day was up. 

“I’m so glad you like it! But,” Rose paused, looking back into the hall outside of their suite, “where’s the rest of your stuff?”

Rey smiled softly. She was used to all of her belongings taking up little space—the lessons of a nomadic life. 

“This is it,” she replied, hoping that Rose would not pry. To her credit, she didn’t, just offered to help Rey unpack and invited her to the movie night that Kay had planned in the living room that evening. 

“It’s a tradition,” explained Rose. “Since high school, the night before school starts, we all get together and watch Rocky Horror. Have you ever seen it?”

Rey shakes her head no, though something prickles at the edge of her consciousness—one night, walking back to her foster home, she recalls a theater with a line out the door. The street was filled with people, a lively bunch all dressed in outlandish costumes, leather and lace, corsets and feather boas, smiling and laughing and singing as they awaited the opening of the doors. She was intrigued, but another minute past curfew and she would have been in trouble, so she raced home, past the poster advertising “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

“I think there was a theater nearby that used to show it back when I was in London, but I never went. What’s it about?”

“Oh my gosh, a VIRGIN!” Rose squeals, and Rey blushes.

“Um, I don’t see how-that’s pers-I mean,”

“Oh shit, Rey, I didn’t mean like that!” Rose laughs, and a comforting hand comes down on Rey’s shoulder. She has to consciously avoid flinching at the human contact, much more than she was used to.

“A virgin is what we call someone who’s never seen the movie live with a shadowcast.”

“A shadowcast?”

“Oh, my dear Rey,” teases Rose, a mischievous glint in her eyes, “we have SO much to teach you.”

———————

After a couple of hours, Rey’s small armoire has been filled with her meager belongings, suitcases tucked under the bed, and toiletries set up in the shared bathroom. She feels...settled, in a way she never had back in London. This was home now, and she had a full ride for 4 years to prove it—though she was hoping her degree wouldn’t take quite that long, having already gotten a few classes out of the way as she applied for every scholarship under the sun.

“Thank you so much for your help, Rose. This is all really new to me,” she admitted. 

Rey was not used to spilling her guts to a near stranger, but something about Rose’s welcoming demeanor put her at ease in a way that few others had before.

“Of course! I can’t imagine how scary it must be, moving to a new country all by yourself. You're really brave, Rey.”

Bravery. A feeling Rey craved, but never believed. Suddenly, the prick of tears is in her eyes—unexpected, and Rose is immediately at her side.

“I’m so sorry,” Rey says, voice heavy with unshed emotion as she turns away to preserve her dignity. “I wasn’t expecting that. I guess I’m just feeling a bit...overwhelmed.”

“Don’t apologize, Rey. You’re gonna do great here, I know it! How else would you have gotten a full ride?”

Rey shrugs, never quite accepting praise for her accomplishments, though deep down she knows that the only way anything good has happened in her life has been through her own hard work and determination. She didn’t have parents who loved her, or any friends to lean on as she struggled her way through school, an orphan, her academic achievements the only thing under her control. She was determined— _use your brain to get out—_ and she had.

“Thanks Rose. I’m glad you’re my roommate,” Rey admits, the feeling of sharing a terrifying one, but somehow—good. 

“Me too! And don’t worry, we can totally go to class together tomorrow. A lot of our schedule overlaps! It’s going to be awesome, you’ll see. I’ll introduce you to the other sophomores I know and we can sit together and share notes and everything!” 

“That’s...really nice of you Rose. Thank you.” Rey feels a weight lift from her chest, knowing that at least for her first class of the day, she’ll have company.

“Do you wanna come to dinner? I’m meeting Kay and Jannah at the dining hall. We could all eat together?”

Rey politely declines, grabbing a granola bar from her backpack. 

“I think I’m gonna explore the campus a bit, figure out where all my classes are so I’m not running around like a madwoman this week. But thanks for the offer.”

“Of course! You’ll be back in time for movie night?”

Rey nods, sliding her several-models-old phone into one pocket, student ID in the other, and strides outside into the incoming dusk.

————

The campus is not quite vast, but it is large enough that Rey has to make a few circles before getting her bearings. She uses this time to reflect on what led her here—half a world away from the only place she’s ever known, and yet nowhere but here had felt as close to home. Here, with a roommate already determined to bring her into the fray, a plan for her future, and a scholarship large enough to cover her schooling and a meal plan. It feels...right. Good. Almost too good to be true, if she’s honest with herself, as if it could all be snatched away at a moment’s notice, leaving her as alone and hopeless as she had been for 19 years. Rey considered, not for the first time, that perhaps she should make use of another great perk of being a college student: free counseling.

Shoving aside that thought for a moment— _everything was so much and so real but that should be good right—_ she looks up and sees a man across the courtyard that she had discovered on her quest to find the engineering building. He is leaned over a tablet, hair falling over his eyes as he sketches, his hands almost tranquil in movement as he brings something to life. Rey was filled with an overwhelming urge to know what it was.

“Excuse me,” she projected, and he nearly jumped out of his skin.

“Shit,” and suddenly his tablet is covered and he is looking up at her and _oh._ She doesn’t think she’s ever been so captivated. Dark hair frames his face in waves, and her eyes flit over on the curve of his nose, the hazel of his eyes, the surprising plumpness of his lips.

He seems...familiar, and Rey remembers the photo above Rose’s desk. She thinks this could be him, but can’t get the words out because he stands _and wow he’s tall too_ and asks, “Can I help you?”

“Um…” Rey is awestruck. Who had she stumbled upon in this hulking figure? Clearly intimidating, but a softness beneath if his choice of location and fondness for drawing were any indication. Almost her foil, her seemingly waifish figure belied by her scrappiness, her strength, her hunger for power and security.

Too late, she realizes he is staring at her expectantly and she has said nothing for longer than proper conversation etiquette dictates.

“I was just...looking for the engineering building,” she mutters, glad of the excuse, averting her eyes from the most striking man she has ever seen.

“Classes don’t start until tomorrow,” he says, and—is he teasing? _Flirting?_ Rey banishes the thought, her sole focus now escaping this interaction with her dignity intact.

“I know. I’m new this semester, just trying to get my bearings,” she replies, hoping her tone comes off as casual, disinterested even.

“Well, it’s that one,” he says, pointing...directly behind him. “Try not to get lost.”

She can’t help but blush, a murmured thank you escaping as she walks past him. 

“You’re welcome, uh—what’s your name?” 

She’s surprised he asked. 

“Rey.”

“Ben,” he replies simply, turning his back and walking into the sunset.

Rey wants to know everything about him.

————

It’s getting dark, and Rey rushes back to the dorms just in time for movie night. As she opens the door, she is greeted by a flurry of feathers and a very fruity and alcoholic smell coming from a glass that is unceremoniously shoved into her hand.

“Rey! It’s so good to finally meet you in person,” she hears as she is wrapped in a hug by a bubbly blonde who is grinning ear to ear. “I’m Kaydel, but most people call me Kay. And this is Jannah,” she says, gesturing to the tall girl at her side.

“Good to meet you, Rey,” Jannah says from a respectful distance, but still friendly. Rey decides she likes them all.

“So,” says Kay, and Rey realizes that perhaps she has already had a glass or two of whatever fruity concoction has been mixed up in their tiny shared kitchen, “Rosie tells us you’ve never seen Rocky Horror before.”

“That’s right,” says Rey, taking a sip of her drink. She tries to hide her grimace—it’s not like she never had one in London, but she doesn’t remember them being quite this stiff. Well, this must be college. She takes another gulp and tunes back in just in time to be dragged to the couch where a laptop has already been plugged into the TV, movie queued up.

“So, we have to explain to you how this works. Are you ready?” Kay asks, grin wide.

“I didn’t realize I had to prepare,” Rey says, a bit cheekily, sensing that this is the type of group to accept her sarcastic tendencies with open arms. She feels comfortable in a way she never has, and can’t help but simultaneously cling to it and attempt to prepare herself for its inevitable end.

“Buckle up, London lady!” Rose squeals.

Kay jumps up from the couch to stand next to Rose as Jannah takes the seat next to Rey, leaning over to whisper “If any of this isn’t your thing, no worries. We’re just really into it, but it’s not for everyone.” 

Rey is relieved to find an ally in all of this, someone to balance Rose and Kay’s level of excitement and accept her own slight trepidation.

“Ok, so,” Kay starts, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show is a movie musical that came out in 1975, and it’s basically a parody of all the weird sci-fi Frankenstein movies of the era, like totally shitting on B-list horror films.”

“There’s a plot if you squint,” adds Rose, “but basically 2 wholesome midwestern kids stumble upon a castle full of aliens who are also sexy as hell and kind of scientists, and the lead scientist, Dr. Frank n Furter, builds a Frankenstein guy except the Frankenstein guy is a hottie in gold shorts that Frank basically just builds to fuck. And like, chaos ensues. And by chaos I mean a lot of sex.”

“When the movie premiered it did NOT do well,” Kay resumes, “but it was so kooky and fun and queer and weird that it gained a cult following, and people started going to midnight screenings and a whole community was built around the movie. People go to the screenings dressed up as characters, or just dress really sexy and gay, and it’s a place people can feel accepted and free to be whoever they want to be.”

“That sounds...nice,” Rey surmised. “Is that all?”

“Not even CLOSE! So, when people started going to the screenings, it got crazier and crazier. People started bringing props to use during the movie, like when a character calls for a toast, people literally threw slices of toast at the screen, or when it rained on screen, people would shoot squirt guns. People also started adding call lines to the movie,” Rose suddenly looks very serious, as serious as one can look on their way to tipsy “and acting it out in front of the screen.”

“So basically,” Kay attempts to close them out “the audience started knowing the movie so well that they practically made their own script of shit to yell during the movie. Sometimes it was between lines, sometimes over lines to replace them and make it funnier, but it’s basically hella chaotic and hilarious and no screenings are ever the same. Some people make up call lines specific to the location or just on the spot hilarious shit, you never know what’s gonna happen. But there are a few that are consistently used by people regardless of the screening and whether there’s a shadowcast.”

“And shadowcasting is what WE do,” Rose gestures to herself, Kay, and Jannah. “Every year on Halloween weekend, the school lets us host a shadowcast screening of the movie. We all did it last year and we’re definitely doing it this year…” 

Rose pauses, looking directly at Rey, giving her a full once-over and jaw dropping as she looks to Kay. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“Oh my god, you’re right,” Kay whispers, giving Rey a similar appraisal and wow, Rey is really blushing now, and quite confused.

“What are you guys talking about?” 

“They want you to audition. You’d be the perfect Janet.” 

Surprisingly, this comes from Jannah, who is now sharing in the glee as she regards Rey and her friends with a bemused smirk.

Rey takes a moment to wrap her head around this concept. Quite honestly, it sounds strange to her, but not bad. It’s...intriguing. Freedom to be who you are, to be carefree. Lack of judgement. An expression of sexuality. 

“Which one is Janet? And what exactly does shadowcasting...entail?”

“Janet is the ingenue. Basically, half of the all-American cutesy couple but by the end she’s like, totally sexually free and wild. It’s awesome,” Kay summarizes.

“So shadowcasting is when you put the movie up on a huge projector so the audience can see it and hear it, and the actors mime out the movie in front of the screen and match the movements, or sometimes don’t match if we wanna be silly. It’s so much fun, and you don’t even have to be good at singing since it’s all silent!”

Rose is clearly trying to sell her on the idea. Rey is nothing if not a curious person, always tinkering with anything she can get her hands on—but this is a little different from rebuilding an engine.

“I guess I’ll consider it,” she says cautiously. “Is there anything else I should know before we start?”

Rose and Kay look at each other, then back at her. “Well technically, since you’re a Rocky Horror virgin, we have to deflower you!”

Rey turns much the same shade of red as she had earlier that day when Rose regarded her as such.

“Normally we’d wait for an official shadowcast screening, but since we’re definitely going to rope you into auditioning, this will have to do. Don’t worry, it’s pretty painless! Come here,” says Kay, dragging Rey to the bathroom, the other girls in pursuit until they are all crowded into the tiny space. Kay reaches into a makeup bag, removing a red lipstick and pulling Rey’s face forward to draw a red V on her forehead.

“Perfect! And now we just need you to bend over and hold your ankles.”

Rey balks.

“Um, I thought you weren’t literally deflowering me?”

Jannah steps in to calm her erratic heartbeat. 

“Don’t worry, they’re not, they just suck at explaining how this works. Trust me, just bend over and it’ll be painless.”

Rey’s mind flits back to all the worries she had about her roommates. Somehow, her mind had failed to supply this as an option. However, considering how far down the rabbit hole she already was, she resigned herself to her fate, whatever that may be, and folded at the waist, setting her drink on the ground and grabbing her ankles. 

Rose chants “One, two, three,” and the others join her to yell, “GET FUCKED!”

Rey pokes her head up.

“Is that it?” she asks, holding her position, ass up in a cramped bathroom with her three new friends. 

“You are officially devirginized!” Kay shouts, and they all pull her into a hug.

Rose is the first to pull away, and shouts, “Well, let’s start the fucking movie!” 

They all travel back to the couch, Rey with her drink in hand and Jannah hitting play as Rose and Kay start chanting, “Start the fucking movie, start the movie fucking!”

Then, the music starts, a set of lips come on screen, and the 3 of them dive into a chant, clearly memorized from years of practice. 

“A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, there were lips, and they were good lips. Sing, lips, sing!”

————

Ben opened the door to his apartment, only to discover that it was already occupied by Finn, Poe, and Hux. He closed the door behind him with a resigned sigh. 

“Remind me again why I gave you guys a key?”

“Because you love us!” Poe exclaims, and wraps him in a bear hug. “You may never admit it, but you know it and we know it, Solo. We stave off the loneliness!”

Ben shrugs him off, as always, but allows a small smile to grace his otherwise expressionless face.

“Is that a smile I see?” Hux teases. “Something’s got our resident grump in a good mood!”

“Can it, Hux,” Ben says as he moves past them toward his room. He puts down his tablet and braces himself for the inevitable evening ahead.

“Must we do this every year? And in MY apartment?” he asks as he walks back into the living room. They’ve hooked up a laptop to his TV, the all too familiar still of Dr. Frank ‘n’ Furter on screen.

“Yes, Ben, that’s what tradition means,” and it’s Finn doing the ribbing this time. Ben really can’t catch a break.

“You also have the biggest TV and couch, mister ‘I’m too good for roommates,’” Poe adds.

“You’ll survive,” Hux says from his spot on the couch, shoving a cheap beer into his hand. Ben downs about half of it in one gulp before taking his seat on the other side of the couch, as Finn and Poe curl up in the loveseat.

“Think you’ll finally audition this year?” Poe asks. “It’s your last semester, why not go out with a bang?”

Ben can’t help but chuckle at Poe’s never ending stream of optimism. “Fat chance,” he says, downing the rest of his beer.

————

Even with the explanation, Rey was wholly unprepared for the scene playing out in front of her. Rose, Kay, and Jannah were playing what could only be described as a chaotic game of musical chairs, all yelling call lines over the movie as they took turns playing multiple characters each. There are shouts of “who’s got the clap?” “Movie 1, Smurfs 0” and “why is there a condom in her hair?” 

Rey finds herself smiling and laughing so hard that her stomach starts to hurt. Rose holds a textbook over her head instead of a newspaper as Janet makes her way through the rain on screen, and Kay manages an incredible recreation of the Time Warp, which Rey had been pulled up from the couch to learn.

_It’s just a jump to the left, and then a step to the right_

_Put your hands on your hips, and bring your knees in tight_

_But it’s the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane_

_Let’s do the time warp again!_

After all of the jumping and pelvic thrusting, Rey collapses onto the couch to see what’s in store next. Her roommates start chanting, and she can't help but blush.

“Shit, goddamn it, sit on my face and slam it, Janet, shit, goddamn it, sit on my face and slam it, Janet,” over and over as the music builds, and then the elevator on screen opens.

Dr. Frank ‘n’ Furter, they said. This man strutting across the screen in a cape, which soon reveals a corset over his chest and fishnet thigh highs descending into platform heels. Rey has never seen anything like it, and is transfixed, the sounds of her roommates drowned out by her own awakening. 

She was enraptured. 

How is it that a man could look so good like this? Every step he took on screen was self assured, as if stepping out of an elevator to a room full of quirky characters wearing nothing but lingerie was an everyday occurrence. 

“Looks like Rey just discovered a taste for men in corsets!” Kay squealed.

Rey blushed, hoping the darkness of the room would protect her from the three sets of knowing eyes around her. 

It didn’t.

“Don’t worry girl, remember, this shit is all about letting go. Do you think any of us would be doing this if we weren’t into something a little...extra?”

Rose makes a good point, and Rey relaxes back into the couch, spending the rest of the movie paying furious attention to both the screen and the call lines, doing her best to memorize everything she possibly can.

This may be the perfect way to find her freedom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts/comments/feedback appreciated! For some good overviews of Rocky Horror/Shadowcasting:
> 
> [Official Rocky Horror site ](http://www.rockyhorror.com/participation/)
> 
> [Movie script with added common call lines](https://nerdnationmagazine.com/2014/09/30/rocky-horror-picture-show-a-how-to-guide-for-audience-participation/)
> 
> [The Virgin’s Guide to Rocky Horror](http://www.timewarp.org.uk/1virgins.htm)
> 
> There also may or may not be a version of the full movie on YouTube (missing the opening credits) that you have to play at 1.25 speed...just saying.


	2. how I started to cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Seems we can’t get rid of each other, Rey.”
> 
> And somehow she’s smiling again, try as she might to remain neutral.
> 
> “Seems that way.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back, babes! Thank you for the lovely response to chapter 1! I was planning on updates once a week, but couldn’t resist posting a bit early. Sorry this one is a bit shorter, but I promise we’re almost at the good stuff!  
> Beta by the absolute angel [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda)
> 
> CW: Mentions of anxiety and counseling, one sentence of negative body talk, a hint of angst
> 
> Please don’t hesitate to comment or DM on Twitter if you’d like me to tag something or I miss a warning. I promise to do my best but as a new author, I can always learn!

Rey wakes up to her alarm, blaring rather rudely at a crisp 7am. Fumbling blindly for her phone, she silences it as she rolls out of bed, met with Rose’s look of sadness as she regards the early hour.

“Do you want to shower first?” Rose offers. “I’d kill for 10 more minutes in bed. Kay really doesn’t know her ratios,” she whispers, almost to herself as she rubs her temples.

“Sure, thanks,” Rey says, walking toward the bathroom and thanking her past self for only having one cup of last night’s fruity concoction.

Standing under the spray, she is hit with the reality that today is the first day of the rest of her life. She made it out of London on her own, gotten a scholarship on her own, and was determined to get her mechanical engineering degree as fast as she could—her schedule may have looked daunting to anyone else, but Rey was never one to back down from a challenge. If she played her cards right, she could make it out in three and a half years, biology and chemistry minors and summer internships included. Just three and a half years, seven semesters, and her life would finally be her own. 

Stepping out and toweling off, she regards herself in the mirror, a daily occurrence as she considers her body. Breasts too small, waist too thin, and yet this was the body that got her here. A new self-respect washes over her, interrupted by Rose knocking on the door.

“Rey, do you mind if I hop in?”

“Um, sure?” Rey replies, wrapping herself back in her towel.

She is not prepared for the sight of so _much_ of Rose at 7:12 in the morning. She tries to avert her eyes, but Rose just chuckles.

“Sorry, I have zero shame. If it makes you uncomfortable I can wait until you’re done in here?”

“No, no it’s fine,” Rey sputters, though the shade of crimson at her cheeks begged to differ.

_Well,_ she thought, _that answers the nudity question._

————

Rose, true to her word, drags Rey to the very front row of their first class, next to a guy she introduces as Finn.

“Good to meet you, Rey,” he greets warmly. “Welcome to the best major ever!”

Rey manages to crack a smile at that, and opens her backpack to fish out a notebook.

“Any advice?”

“Try to stay awake?”

“Rose, not everyone is as challenged at consciousness as you are,” Finn replies with a good-natured shoulder check.

“It’s not my fault the engineers get stuck with 8am lectures that last for 2 hours!”

As they continue to bicker, Rey finds comfort in one more person, perhaps one more friend.

————

As soon as 9:50 hits, everyone jumps to exit the modestly sized lecture hall.

“Half the reason we sit up front is to avoid the stampede,” Rose offers, looping her arm through Finn’s elbow as they move to the door.

“Smart,” Rey offers, observing the two of them with a curious eye. What was their relationship, exactly?

“Ok guys, I have to go to English but I’ll see you at 11?” Finn asks expectantly.

“Of course, Finny! Wouldn’t miss it!”

As he darts outside, no doubt a trek ahead of him if Rey remembers the campus layout correctly, she turns to Rose.

“What’s at 11?”

“It’s the Club Fair! The school always hosts one on the first day of class so everyone can see what all the clubs are. Finn is the Treasurer for Untamed Things, so he always helps staff the booth.”

“Untamed Things?”

Rose smiles, now looping her arm with Rey. 

“That’s your new favorite club, baby! Now come on, I need coffee if I even have a hope of functioning for the rest of the day.”

Rey allows Rose to pull her along, the feeling of belonging continuing to bloom in her chest. It was dangerous to want it so much, and yet, she clung.

————

Ben is pretty sure Poe owes him about a thousand favors at this point, and this made it a thousand and one. As he stood outside of the office with the plaque stating “Professor Luke Skywalker,” he couldn’t help but feel younger than his 23 years. The start of the semester always felt heavy with the weight of the time he hadn’t come back.

He knocked.

“Come in,” answered the voice he couldn’t shake.

“Ah, Ben, what a surprise,” Luke drawled.

“Is it?” Ben asked, knowing the answer.

“I suppose not particularly, but it is good to see you. I assume you’re here for-”

“Yes, Poe asked me to get your signature on the club form.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know the drill by now. Sign and then avert my eyes.”

Ben placed the paper on Luke’s desk. Even standing above this man, he felt small. He still couldn’t quite shake the feeling that he had disappointed him, disappointed his parents, disappointed everyone he ever knew. 

With a flourish of a pen, Ben’s task was complete, and with a small “thanks,” he turned to the door.

“Ben.”

He froze.

“You should audition this year. I think...it could be good for you. You deserve some fun in your life, some freedom. Stop beating yourself up for something that wasn’t your fault and just live, for once. You made it this far. We’re proud of you.”

Ben is suddenly glad to be facing away from his uncle, his eyes clouded with an all-too-familiar wetness.

“You know, back in the day, when I used to play Brad, I-”

“I get it,” Ben snapped. “Thanks, but…” he trailed off, unable to find the words.

“Just consider it, Ben. Promise me.”

A promise. It felt too final, too forced, and yet he couldn’t stop himself from agreeing.

“Ok. I’ll...think about it.”

Only when he shut the door behind him did Ben let a single tear escape.

————

Rey had never seen so much color in one place.

The school courtyard had been turned into a maze of booths, all advertising the “best club on campus.” Rey was glad of Rose’s guidance, knowing she would have been easily overwhelmed.

“Finn! Poe!” Rose yelled, somehow able to be heard over the deafening din of thousands of college students looking for ways to avoid studying.

Finn stood next to another man, Poe, Rey surmised, under a sign proclaiming “Untamed Things: The **Sexiest** Club on Campus!”

“Rey, this is Poe, he’s Club President.”

Rey went for the handshake, Poe went for the hug. Poe won.

“It’s so great to meet you, Rey! We’re really hoping you’ll audition. Kay told me you seemed pretty...into the idea,” he said with a wink. 

Rey blushed.

“I’m certainly considering it,” she said evasively, head stuck on the thought that she was now being talked about, that she was now a part of this. She was a part of _something_.

“Well, we’re hosting a screening tonight if you’re able to come,” Finn explained, and Rey finally had an excuse to escape Poe’s knowing look. 

“Of COURSE she’s coming,” came a voice from behind, and Kay was suddenly wrapped entirely around Rey. “We successfully converted her last night, right babes?”

Jannah had arrived as well, and nodded.

Rey still felt the need to assert her agency, and couldn’t help the slight edge to her tone as she scraped for power.

“I still haven’t decided if I’m going to audition.”

She felt the air stiffen. Her doing. Her _fault_.

“But I’ll come to the screening,” she acquiesced. 

This answer seemed to satisfy, if the resounding cheers were any indication, though Rey saw what she thought may be a twinkle of concern in Rose’s eyes.

Rey checked her watch, an old pink thing, a relic of her past that still bore the time in London.

“I have to go, but I’ll catch up with you guys later?”

They all nodded, and turned to pull any unsuspecting student into their fray with the promise of scantily-clad, sexy people and the most fun that could be had within the confines of the law.

————

Rey makes her way across campus, thankful for a moment of reprieve, a moment to herself to regroup. The counseling center was tucked away in a quiet corner. She supposed it was meant to be for privacy—perhaps she should be grateful. However, it was hard to be grateful when she had to take an hour out of her day to speak to the school psychologist and assure them that yes, she had a prescription for the anti-anxiety meds back in London.

Lost in thought, she opens the door and barrels directly into what seemed like a wall, but upon further reflection was, in fact, a man.

_Ben_.

They freeze. What exactly was the etiquette in these types of situations? Dart past without a second glance? Eye contact? Word vomit in the form of “so what brings you here today?”

In the end, it is Ben who breaks the silence first.

“Rey.”

She gulps at the sound of her name escaping his lips.

“Ben.”

“So…did you get lost?”

“What?” 

She can’t help her confusion, the way her nose crinkles as she attempts any amount of rational thought, still reeling at the fact that they had managed to find each other again, though this time both in a compromising position.

“On your way to the engineering building. Did you get lost?”

And it all comes flooding back.

“Oh! Um. No, I managed. Thanks for the directions!” 

She tries a smile, relishing the feeling at her cheeks.

“You’re welcome, Rey. I’ll see you around.”

And yet again, she is left to admire the back of him.

————

A few hours of chapter outlines and part-time job applications later, it’s time to head to the screening. Rose had a late class, promising to meet them at the lecture hall, and Rey walked beside Kay and Jannah.

“So, what do you think of the school so far?” Jannah asks kindly.

“It’s...good,” Rey ventures, “but it’s hard to tell this soon.”

“Well, you have us at least!” Kay enthusiastically assesses. “We’ll make sure you fall in love with **us** by the end of the week.”

Rey can’t help a small chuckle at that.

“And what makes you so sure?”

“Because, we’re like, insanely nice, super cool, and we’re going to get you to join our epic, sexy family!”

Family. The word stings even now, even after 19 years, 14 of them alone, all of them lonely.

They must notice her change in demeanor, because the subject suddenly shifts.

“So you said you’re applying for jobs?” 

Rey is thankful for Jannah’s prodding.

“Yeah, I don’t have class on Fridays so I’m hoping to just pick up some work at a shop—repair cars, stuff like that.”

“Whoa, you can fix cars? That’s fucking awesome, Rey!”

Kay’s praise is genuine, and makes Rey smile. Surely she is allowed a moment of pride?

“Sure can. It’s a pretty useful skill if you have a car...which I don’t,” Rey finishes with a grimace.

“But you will one day! And you’ll never have to worry about some sleazebag overcharging you!”

“That’s true.”

“Well, I’m definitely coming to you next time my baby needs something, I don’t have a fucking clue what any of the lights mean.”

Rey nods, of course she does, how could she not with the promise of friendship and fam—and more?

————

The lecture hall is huge, enough to seat 400, though the audience is more like a dozen. Rose meets them there, as promised, and Rey recognizes the faces of Finn and Poe, scrambling at the front of the room in what seems like an argument.

“I thought you had it?” Poe says, frustration tinging his voice.

“Well I thought YOU had it!” Finn replies, equally frustrated.

A red headed man appears next to them—another familiar face from Rose’s photographs.

Rey attempts to ignore the heated voices, a trigger of a past she cared to forget, only catching a couple snippets of “probably left it” and “fine, I’ll text him” before she tunes it out completely.

————

**Hux** (7:56pm): The combined genius of FinnPoe strikes again. Do you have the Rocky DVD?

Ben groans at his phone, as if it had committed a personal act of violence against him. He peers out to his coffee table where the DVD sits innocently, presenting Ben with a sign that he was resolutely choosing to ignore.

**Hux** (7:57pm): We need it, the screening is tonight.

**Ben** (7:58pm): You owe me. Be there in 10.

————

“Good evening everyone, and welcome to the first Untamed Things event of the semester! My name is Poe, I am the club president and the biggest Rocky Horror fan in this room, so don’t even try it. We are having a slight delay with obtaining the DVD, but once that’s sorted out we can start the screening. Now, for those who don’t know, the Rocky Horror Picture Show…”

As Poe gives the room an explanation similar to the crash course that Rey received the night prior, Rose leans toward Rey with a smile.

“We’re glad you came! Last night was fun, but Poe knows even more call lines than us. It’s gonna be epic!”

Rose’s enthusiasm is infectious, so it seems, and Rey finds herself breaking into another large grin. She thinks she’s smiled more in the last 2 days than in the last 2 years—maybe in her whole life. Her cheeks aren’t used to the movement, straining against her joy.

“...so while we wait, let’s go around and do some more introductions! Tell us your name, your pronouns, your major, and why you’re here, if you’re comfortable.”

Poe goes first, stating he/him and psychology, and the ball is passed to Finn, then several new faces: Phasma, Zorii, Hux, Snap, Din, Bazine, Dopheld (though he insisted he goes by Mitaka), followed by Kay, Jannah, and Rose.

At Rey’s turn, she hears the creak of the lecture hall door, ignoring it in favor of the eyes on her in the room.

“Hi, I’m Rey, she/her, mechanical engineering,” and she pauses for Rose’s very loud “whoop!”

Another smile.

“Any why are you here, Rey?” Poe asks.

“Mostly because Rose, Kay, and Jannah dragged me here,” she can’t resist barbing. But it is an interesting question—she could have said no if she wanted to, but she didn’t. She’s here. Why?

“But I guess...I’m here because there’s always been something inside me. And now it’s awake,” she says, flinching at the unnecessary depth in the words. “It just seems like this might be the place for freedom.”

The eyes stare back at her.

“Shit, Rey, you sure you’re not an English major?” Finn prods, and the room erupts in a good natured chuckle.

“Look everyone, it’s our savior!” Poe exclaims, diverting attention away from her poetic waxing, and Rey finally looks to the back of the room to discover Ben, holding the DVD, eyes locked on her.

“C’mon Ben, give us your intro,” Poe continues, and Ben’s eyes break away, leaving Rey to contemplate his pervasiveness.

He rolls his eyes with a sigh as he travels to the front of the room.

“I’m Ben, he/him, computer science with a graphic design minor, and I’m here because _some_ people got too drunk to remember to take their DVD with them.”

“Good one, Solo. Everyone please applaud this man for so valiantly delivering our prized possession. I’m sure we tore him away from a very busy night of doodling in his empty apartment.”

Rose leans over yet again as Poe continues poking fun and the room erupts in sarcastic applause.

“That’s Ben, he’s a grump but he’s our grump,” she explains. “We keep trying to get him to audition but he never has. It’s his last semester too, what a shame...”

Rey nods, but her eyes travel back to him, to Ben. “Solo,” they’d called him—was it his last name, or a jab?

“Everyone wave bye to Solo! The back is the best view anyway!”

Rey thinks his cheeks turn pink, and then he’s walking...towards her?

“Seems we can’t get rid of each other, Rey.”

And somehow she’s smiling again, try as she might to remain neutral.

“Seems that way.”

He looks down, and for a brief moment she wonders if he’s checking her out—that thought is quashed when his eyes lock on the notebook in her lap, a fresh page titled “Rocky Horror Notes” on display.

“Are you...taking notes? On a movie?”

He’s smirking, and damn it if she doesn’t want to simultaneously wipe it off his face and stare at it forever.

“I’m...considering auditioning. Just want to be prepared.”

And then he’s stepping back, a curious expression crossing his face.

“Huh. Well, good luck with that. I’m guessing we’ll see each other again soon.”

“I guess so,” she replies, denying her disappointment at watching him leave yet again.

As soon as he’s out of earshot, Rose turns to Rey conspiratorially.

“Rey! I didn’t realize you met Ben, how on Earth did that happen?”

She shrugs.

“I just...ran into him when I was touring the campus. He gave me directions.”

“That’s so weird, what are the odds?”

“I know, pretty crazy,” Rey replies.

She has no idea what the odds are, but she’s starting to think she likes them.

————

As Ben closes the door of the lecture hall behind him, listening to the muffled title sequence, he starts to think that maybe he should listen to the signs.

**Group Message**

**Ben** (8:10PM): I’ll audition.

**Hux** (8:11PM): Are you fucking with us?

**Finn** (8:11PM): On God???

**Poe** (8:12PM): I KNEW we’d wear you down. Welcome to the shit storm, Solo. Don’t think you’ll get preferential casting just because we love you, though.

**Ben** (8:13PM): Fair enough. See you fuckers tomorrow.

He’s never made the walk back to his apartment feeling quite so light. He makes it about halfway before it hits him—

_Two Years Ago_

_“C’mon Ben, you HAVE to audition, just LOOK at you! You’d be the perfect Frank!” Poe goaded._

_“Good fucking luck,” Ben replied._

_One Year Ago_

_“Seriously Ben, every year you don’t play Frank, it’s criminal.”_

_“I’m about to be a criminal if you ask me again.”_

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please share your thoughts in the comments and/or on Twitter [@beccastanz](https://twitter.com/beccastanz)


	3. don’t get hot and flustered

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The creak of the lecture hall door pierces through Poe’s speech, and this time Rey turns around at the sound.
> 
> It’s Ben, a little out of breath, but here. He’s auditioning.
> 
> And the nerves come back full force.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back my Rocky Horror Reylos! It’s time for auditions! 
> 
> Huge thanks to plasmamullet for the [amazing edit](https://twitter.com/plasmamullet/status/1263217738782248960?s=21) inspired by this story. I cried over the perfection.
> 
> I’ve added YouTube links in the chapter for some of the referenced songs (the cropping isn’t great but it should give you enough of an idea or a refresher if you need one).
> 
> Also we start to earn the E rating in this chapter...you’ve been warned.
> 
> Beta and new moodboard (!!!) by babe [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda)

  
  
Rose was right—Rocky Horror with Poe’s call lines was an entirely different experience. It was hard to imagine how someone could memorize 100 minutes of absolute filth, but he did it with an ease that had everyone in the room clutching their sides by the end.

Rey’s notebook was abandoned halfway through—the laughter infectious. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had this much fun.

She made her decision.

The credits rolled, and then her group of 4 made their way back home.

It’s Kay who breaks the tension first.

“Sooooo...you gonna do it?”

Three sets of eyes bore into Rey. She can’t help herself—she takes a moment to look unsure, hemming and hawing until she’s sure they’ll combust. And then, with a mischievous grin—

“Fuck yes!”

Rey isn’t sure she has a prayer of hearing her lectures tomorrow—her eardrums have most definitely burst after the assaulting shrieks of her new friends.

————

The next day, Rey wakes up with a smile.

She can’t remember the last time that happened. She could get used to it. 

Despite the deafening nerves at the prospect of actually auditioning tonight, she manages to feel light. Choice has put her at ease. She has _choices_ now.

And, to add to the excitement, she has awoken to a job offer from one of the auto shops in town. The email was brief, and the owner seemed quirky at best, but a job was a job.

—

Subject: Re: Part-time auto repair position

Hi rey, Yes culd use some help fridays plese come this week to get startd if you’re sure. I can’t promise to be nice to u and it doesn’t pay much. Sry computr skills nt my best-Han

—

Soon she’ll even be able to purchase the occasional non-necessity instead of living in the clothes that she’s had for years—many of them threadbare from frequency of use and wash.

It had only been a few days, but the sheer optimism in the air was winning her over.

She reconfirms with the girls that they would help her practice for auditions this afternoon, for as long as she wanted, until she was ready to, in their words “slay it.” 

Then, she heads to class, a smile resting comfortably on her face.

————

YouTube open on his laptop, Ben stares. And stares. 

Cursor hovering over the play button on [Sweet Transvestite ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bc80tFJpTuo&feature=share)he can’t help but wonder _am I really doing this?_

And then, he remembers Rey. Beautiful Rey. Rey, with a sarcastic quip for everyone but him. Rey, with her penchant for preparedness and honeyed brown hair and a reflective, lurking sadness.

He sighed, stood up, and pressed play, yet again thankful for his lack of roommates.

If he was going to do this, he was going to do it **right**.

————

Rey has now run through the blocking for [Dammit, Janet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZbpJb7hjb7M&feature=share) enough times that she is confident in her movements, lips forming the words near flawlessly.

That was the easy part.

Poe’s email stated that all Janet auditioners must also perform her verse of the [Floorshow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yZlRqk5_6U&feature=share).

“C’mon Rey, let’s just watch it a couple more times and then you’ll try it out,” offered Rose.

“You’ve got this!” Kay said decisively.

“We’ll make sure you’ve got it just right, Poe would be an idiot not to cast you after how much ass you’re gonna kick,” Jannah added.

Rey took a deep breath and nodded at Rose, whose hand was poised over the laptop.

She clicked play, and Rey studied the movements she had furtively copied in her notebook.

**Head roll, hands through her hair, bend her knees, wrap the boa**

**Cross stage right with a finger at her lip, spread her arms**

**Bend her knees, angle her back out, walk, bend, arm up**

**Angle her back out more, accentuate her ass (try not to blush), spread her arms, cross them, freeze**

Seemed simple enough on the page and the lyrics weren’t complicated—but to actually get up and do it? Rey was suddenly wishing for more of Kay’s fruity concoction.

She knew this was just the beginning. If she actually got cast, it was going to get a lot more...intimate. Might as well prepare now.

“Screw it, let’s do this. Restart the video.”

Their cheers spurred her on, Jannah even stepping in for Columbia and Rose for Rocky and Brad to ease her into it.

When Janet’s verse began, Rey strutted in front of the TV, copying the movements she now instinctively knew were taking place on the screen behind her, Kay’s boa wrapped around her shoulders.

It felt _good_ . She had permission to be confident, even _sexy_ , and she liked this new color on herself.

It felt so good, in fact, that she didn’t even notice Kay holding up her phone.

————

**Snapchat from Kaydel Connix**

Ben sighed, pausing his 5th run-through before opening the app just to rid himself of the notification. He intended to simply ignore whatever Kay had deemed worthy of the internet’s attention.

However, when he opened the video, he found himself unable to look away.

It was Rey. 

With her back to the camera.

Squatting and then, thanks to the filter Kay had chosen, grinding her ass up torturously slow, brushing against the feathers of her boa.

The caption read, “One of us!”

And then it was gone.

Fuck. She really was going to audition.

He felt his resolve steel further, determined to not just audition, but to do well. To get the part. To impress them all.

And he was decidedly ignoring the fact that the crotch of his pants was now just a little too tight.

————

“Hello everyone, and welcome to Untamed Things auditions! For anyone who hasn’t met me yet, my name is Poe Dameron, I’m Club President, and this year’s director for our shadowcast production of the Rocky Horror Picture Show!”

The room erupts in cheers.

“So, here’s how this is gonna work. I’ve written the names of each character on the whiteboard. If you are interested in auditioning for a character, write your name below when you get up for your turn. You can audition for as many characters as you want, including Trixies.”

“What are Trixies?” Mitaka calls from the back of the lecture hall.

“Trixies are the strippers! During the opening song, a group of you will perform a choreographed strip tease.”

Some of the room gets excited at that, hushed whispers permeating the air.

“Finally, everyone who auditions will be welcome in the ensemble, even if you do not get a named roll. We are all about including everyone who wants to be here. Congratulations, you’ve all made it into the cast!”

The cheers return, and Rey smiles—at least if she doesn’t get a part, she can still be in the show. The knowledge soothes some of her worry, and she is feeling more confident than ever that she can do this.

The creak of the lecture hall door pierces through Poe’s speech, and this time Rey turns around at the sound.

It’s Ben, a little out of breath, but _here_. He’s _auditioning_.

And the nerves come back full force.

Why does he make her forget herself? What is it about him that draws her in? The amount of times they’ve seen each other in just 3 days feels cosmic, and she yearns to learn him.

She supposes if they’re both in the cast, opportunity will be ample. The thought makes her smile—she’s decided she likes smiling.

————

Ben was lucky to be only a few minutes late. As he rushes into the building, Poe’s enthusiastic tone traveling down the hallway, he can’t help but think about the situation he was in just a few minutes ago...

After several more run-throughs of Sweet Transvestite, Ben was feeling confident in his movements, even throwing in a bit of extra flair— _might as well go all in._

The problem was, he was still half hard, and the practice session had done nothing to ease the pool of arousal concentrating in his lower half.

He looked at the clock. 20 minutes until auditions were set to begin.

He looked down.

Fuck it.

He reached over to open his bedside drawer, one hand unzipping his fly while the other pushed past the unopened box of condoms for the bottle of lube.

He needed to make this quick.

The first drag of his lubed up hand had him hissing at the cold—but a few more strokes to warm up the wetness and he was quickly approaching full mast. He tried to focus on the sensation, the tight grip of his hand enveloping him, slick, warm, ignoring the clock ticking down the seconds until he had to leave. 

He moved faster, willing his mind to go blank, to convince himself this was just stress relief, just a way to expel his nerves before putting himself on the line.

Even faster now, tighter, he threw his head back at the sensation, now fully hard and unable to control his mind as it wandered to brown hair, the crinkle of a smile, curious eyes, a perfectly rounded ass—

He came with a grunt, ropes covering his shirt as he panted, the slick mess of his hand a combination of lube and his release.

Looking down, trying to catch his breath, he realized his shirt was a goner and wiped the majority of his embarrassment on the front before removing it and tossing it in the hamper. 

When he turned to the mirror, hair disheveled and chest on full display, he attempted to sort through his emotions—why had he let his mind wander? It was wrong of him to think about this girl that he barely knew, and yet he couldn’t help himself. She was beautiful, _captivating_. He wanted to impress her, he realized. 

He also realized two more things; those months of home workouts were starting to pay off, and he was going to be late.

With a curse, he darted to the bathroom, and one expedient clean up and fresh black shirt later, he ran out the door.

At least he would have an excuse for his dishevelment when he arrived.

————

Ben took a seat across the room next to Hux and Finn. Poe commanded the room, notebook in hand, watching each audition with rapt attention.

Rey tried to focus on the scenes playing out in front of her, auditions for Eddie, Dr. Scott, Columbia, Magenta, Rocky, and Riff Raff passing by in a blur. She couldn’t force herself to watch, mind caught between her upcoming performance and Ben.

Ben, who hasn’t yet gotten up to audition.

There were only a few characters left.

Her cheeks flamed as she realized the implication; him going for Brad or Janet felt...unlikely at best. And that meant—

Nope. She couldn’t think about that now, not with her chance so close. 

“Ok, next up I’d like to see pairs for Brad and Janet. You’ll do the first few verses of Dammit, Janet, and then you’ll go right into their parts for the Floorshow. Sound good?”

Several heads nod.

“Ok, who’s first?”

And surprisingly, Kay jumps up.

“I’ll read for Brad with Rey as Janet!”

Rey is surprised, but grateful. Kay has already auditioned for her preferred roles—this is clearly for Rey’s benefit, and she is able to exhale knowing that she’ll have a capable scene partner.

She moves to the front of the room with Kay, who squeezes her hand and leans in to whisper “you’ve got this!”

She steels herself, stands to the left of Kay, and the music begins.

_Hey Janet?_

_Yes Brad?_

_I’ve got something to say…_

_Uh huh?_

_I really love the...skillful way...you beat the other girls to the brides bouquet_

_Oh, Brad..._

And she lets herself get lost in the movements, the words, perfectly shadowing the action behind them as they cross back and forth. Kay even manages to lift Rey and spin her, just as they had done jokingly this afternoon in their dorm.

By the end of it, Rey is smiling and laughing, and polite applause fills the room.

“Ok, great work guys. Now let’s see the Floorshow.”

Rey takes a deep breath, determinedly ignoring the faces in the crowd as she prepares for the real test.

Again, the music begins, and Kay starts, fully committing to Brad’s hilarious faces and leg extension. Rey struggles to hold her frozen position as the temptation to laugh grows, but she manages to keep the stoic expression on her face just long enough for her part to begin.

————

Ben was wholly unprepared for Rey’s ability to combine coquettish innocence with sexually charged gyrating. If he thought the Snapchat was bad, this was...a whole new level of torture.

_I feel released, bad times deceased_

He couldn’t decide if it was more disrespectful to watch or look away. 

_My confidence has increased, reality is here_

She had barely acknowledged him since he arrived, and he was surprised at how much it stung. 

_The game has been disbanded, my mind has been expanded_

Perhaps he had read too much into their interactions after all.

_It’s a gas that Frankie’s landed...his lust is so sincere._

And she blows a kiss. 

Lucky for him, the verse was blissfully short, and the torture ceased.

As Rey took her seat with Rose, Kay, and Jannah, he watched her receive a downpour of compliments. He liked seeing her meld into his group. If nothing else, perhaps they could at least be friends.

He could do just friends, right?

Lost in thought, the rest of the Janet and Brad auditions slip by in a haze, and it’s not long before Poe is up again.

“Ok everyone, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for, Dr. Frank ‘n’ Furter auditions! We’ll be doing the first verse and chorus of Sweet Transvestite, and please do feel encouraged to interact with the audience since I don’t want to have any Brad or Janet stand-ins. I’m more interested in the vibe you bring to the character. So, who’s first?”

Before he loses his nerve, Ben stands.

“I’ll give it a shot.”

He tries to ignore Hux and Poe’s catcalls, the cheers from Jannah and Rose, and Kay yelling “fucking FINALLY!”

He was really doing this.

————

Rey suddenly finds herself more nervous than before, even though her audition was complete. When this inexplicably gorgeous man gets up from the creaky lecture hall chair, all too small for his hulking figure, she cannot help but watch him slink up to the front of the room. He steels himself as the music comes in, putting his head down (to collect himself? To prepare? She can’t tell), and then, he looks up. 

Something in his eyes is deeper, darker, _hungrier_ , and she cannot help but cross her legs as he starts to mouth along to the movie behind him. The screen is gigantic, large enough for a 400 person lecture, but all she can see is him and the way his surprisingly large and captivating lips wrap around the words, almost reverently.

_How do you do I—_

He pops his hips with the music—a welcome addition to the movements on the screen—

_—see you’ve met my faithful handyman_

He makes a motion that will make Rey blush every time she hears the word “handy” for the rest of her life. 

_He’s just a little brought down because, when you knocked, he thought you were the candy man_

_Don’t get strung out_

And then he’s strutting—there’s really no other word for it—toward the front row, where most of the auditioners are now seated.

_By the way I look_

_Don’t judge a book by its cover_

He playfully ruffles Poe’s hair, tosses Rose a wink, and _who is he???_

_I’m not much of a man_

And now he’s walking back toward the screen and Rey remembers Poe’s teasing yesterday—“the back is the best view anyway!”

_By the light of day_

_But by night I’m one hell of a lover_

And then, Rey can’t help it—her jaw drops.

————

Ben isn’t sure where it comes from.

Maybe it’s the energy of the room, the confidence surging underneath his skin as his friends watch with rapt attention (yes, Rey included, but he is trying very hard to ignore that fact), or the realization that he does not have a cape to throw off, but something comes over him.

As he moves back toward the screen, mouth still shaping the words “hell of a lover,” he reaches for the hem of his shirt.

And he pulls it over his head as he spins back around.

————

Ben Solo is ripped.

Rey swears she can feel her brain short circuit as his chest comes into view, and _are those biceps he’s been hiding?_

_Could he pick her up and toss her?_

_Are those literal washboard abs—_

Fuck. 

She needs to calm down.

That proves impossible as he begins to circle his hips in a perfect mimic of the motions on screen.

_I’m just a sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania_

He gives an extra thrust on the final intonation— _uh huh—_ and Rey sees stars.

The music stops and Ben is breathing hard, the rise and fall of his chest still on full display—it’s impossible to look away.

Her reviere is broken as the room bursts into applause, and she collects herself just enough to join in, watching Ben reach down for his discarded shirt. Much of his bravado seems to fade as he puts it back on, a blush settling over his cheeks.

“Um, where the FUCK has that been hiding, Solo?” Finn asks incredulously.

Ben shrugs.

“I second that,” Kay adds, and Rose, Jannah, and Hux all nod furiously in agreement as the rest of the room watches curiously.

“I guess I just finally wanted to get in on the action,” he says, bashful despite the display. 

“Well,” Poe starts, attempting to remain impartial through the clear shock and awe on his face, “thank you, Ben. Who’s next?”

A few more people attempt the role, some more seriously than others, but Rey doesn’t give them a second thought. Her eyes are moving between her lap and Ben, stealing furtive glances as he seats himself with Hux and Finn.

She simultaneously feels closer to him and further than ever. She’s gained some insight into who he is, and yet knows with certainty that there is so much more to learn than she ever thought possible. He’s surprised her.

“Ok folks, thank you so much for coming out!”

A few chuckles pass through the room and Poe rolls his eyes.

“I’ll let that one slide. So, you all did an absolutely fantastic job, which means MY job is going to be difficult. I promise to email out the cast list tonight, but it’s going to take me some time. So, get out of here and let me work!”

As they prepare to leave, Rey turns to wave to Poe, only to see him giving Finn a kiss goodbye.

Oh.

Another question answered.

————

Back at the dorm, they all agree to stay up until the list comes out, which blessedly only takes an hour. Perhaps the choices were not so tough after all. 

They all take a deep breath and click the email on their respective phones and laptops after a countdown of “3, 2, 1…”

She skips the introductory pleasantries (sorry Poe) and is shocked to read:

**Janet** : Rey Johnson

And she swears her heart skips a beat when she reads further 

**Dr. Frank ‘n’ Furter** : Ben Solo

Her mind flits to the scene she had seen just days ago for the first time—Janet, lying in bed, visited by Frank, who delves his head between her legs—and realizes she is well and truly fucked. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thoughts/comments/predictions/general fuckery welcome in the comments and on Twitter [@beccastanz](https://twitter.com/beccastanz)


	4. the transducer will seduce ya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben takes his place behind her and Mitaka, and they back up until Rey swears she can feel the heat of his body.
> 
> She belatedly realizes this is the closest they’ve ever been.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to start rehearsals…and gee, I wonder who Rey’s new boss could be???
> 
> FYI my summer courses are starting up, so my free time to write is about to go down. I still promise to update as quickly as possible, but it may start looking more like once a week. 
> 
> More links throughout this chapter for those that are in need of a refresher or first watch!
> 
> Beta babe [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda)
> 
> Today’s moodie is a meme by yours truly 😅

Ben waves off Finn and Hux’s offer to hang out at his apartment until the list comes out, citing an early day tomorrow, determinedly refusing to admit that he is too nervous for company.

He knows he did well if the cheers were any indication, but was it enough? 

He draws out the walk back to his apartment as long as possible, knowing that when he arrives he has no chance of relaxing until the list is out. The usual 10 minutes stretch to 20, and he makes a beeline for a beer the second he crosses the threshold.

Perhaps drawing would help him ease his nerves. 

Poe would inevitably rope him into designing the posters, which he did under duress every year, never willing to admit the thrill it gave him to abandon his usual projects and exercise his creative muscles for something unabashedly taboo.

Mind swirling with thoughts of auditions, he pulls out his tablet and begins to sketch.

A boa.

Simple enough to start—wrapping around nothing, a representation of sexuality and gaudiness, but also discomfort, the tickle of feathers enough to make one sneeze or flinch. Red, like the lips at the start, like the color of her cheeks as she strutted across the lecture hall—he stops.

Breathes.

A notification graces the top of his tablet—the list is out.

He forces himself to read the whole thing.

—

**Subject: Untamed Things Rocky Horror Cast List, First Rehearsal**

Hello all,

Thank you again for coming out to auditions! It was wonderful to see so many new faces this year, and you did not make my choices easy. Please read on after the list for details on the first rehearsal—and again, congratulations to everyone who came out! You are all in the show and we have an excellent cast this year! Ensemble members will play the party guests as well as stand in for certain props (i.e. windshield wipers, Frank’s gym horse, etc.) and other bit parts.

Janet: Rey Johnson

Brad: Dopheld Mitaka

Columbia: Jannah Calrissian

Magenta: Rose Tico

Riff Raff: Armitage Hux

Rocky: Finn Storm

Dr. Scott: Din Djarin

Eddie: Kaydel Connix

Dr. Frank ‘n’ Furter: Ben Solo

Narrator: Snap Wexley

Trixies/Ensemble: Kaydel Connix, Phasma Parnassos, Bazine Netal, Zorii Bliss

Our first rehearsal will be on Sunday afternoon, with a more detailed schedule to follow. We will typically rehearse 2-3 times a week, though not all cast members will be required for every rehearsal. I am looking forward to working with you all!

Tough Love <3,

Poe Dameron

—

Fuck. He did it. He had the part.

Ben can’t help the huge grin that breaks out across his face and then—he’s laughing, laughing so loudly he can’t understand where it’s coming from and then there are tears in his eyes. He’s laughing, crying, breathing, **feeling** , doubled over from the wave of emotion overtaking him.

He’s feeling—and he’s not pushing it away. In fact, he is **relishing** in it, relishing in his allowance to experience every emotion.

And he thinks…

_Is this healing?_

_Why didn’t I do this years ago?_

Questions worth considering, but not right now, not tonight, not when everything feels so _good._

And Rey. 

Rey was good too.

————

Rey’s alarm goes off at 6am, early enough that Rose doesn’t even stir at the noise, nor Rey’s morning routine as she slips into her only pair of overalls and heads to Han’s.

She spends the 20 minute walk riding the high of last night’s cast announcement and trying not to think about the implications of Ben Solo taking on the role that was her sexual awakening this week. Surely it will be fine—they’re all just acting and having fun, no need to get her knickers in a twist over the multitude of positions they’re sure to find themselves in over the coming months. 

_Nope. Not thinking about it._

She barely knows him and is still endlessly intrigued. She was sure that something hid behind the sarcastic glint in his eyes—something she recognized from her own hours in front of the mirror discovering it in herself.

His walls felt high, despite the shirtless display. 

Perhaps she’d never know.

She arrives at Han’s 5 minutes before 7, determined to make a good impression.

“Morning,” calls a gruff voice from the tiny office doorframe. “You Rey?”

“Yes, sir, Rey Johnson.”

“Wasn’t expecting a British girl,” he replies, not unkind but certainly surprised.

“Which part is more unexpected, sir?” Rey quips back, folding her arms and raising an eyebrow.

Han smiles.

“Touché. And call me Han. You sure you can work on cars with the steering wheel on the left?”

Rey smiles.

“I can fix anything with an engine,” she replies confidently.

“Good. It probably won’t be very exciting for you around here, but a lot of people like to bring their cars in for routine stuff on Fridays. I’ll keep you on that most of the time, but if there’s a lull, you can help Chewie with the more complicated repairs.”

“Who’s Chewie?”

The name is odd at best, and the way Han looks at her when she asks makes it clear he agrees. He gestures to the back at a hulking man with a foot-long beard and a ponytail quietly sipping— _is that tea_?

Rey likes it here already.

“Thanks for letting me do one day a week, it’s all I have time for right now.”

“No problem, kid. I could use the help. My back ain’t what it used to be, so if you ever want to pick up a few more hours, just drop by. You good to go?”

She nods, then raises her lunch bag with a questioning expression.

“Fridge is in my office, help yourself and take a break whenever.”

She moves past Han to put away her lunch—a sandwich, chips, and apple taken from the dining hall. Yes, it was _technically_ a buffet and _technically_ you weren’t supposed to bring containers in your backpack and fill them when no one was looking, but Rey couldn’t help her instincts from a past of inconsistent meals. If there was food, she took it.

Closing the door to the fridge, Rey glances to Han’s desk, a mess of appointments, makes and models, and receipts. There are only a couple of photographs: a beautiful woman, hair in intricate braids, holding a small bundle with black hair peeking out from the swaddle, and what looked to be a kindergarten class photo, a small boy with large ears and a huge grin. Rey tore her eyes away, reminded of a childhood from which she was unjustly deprived.

She was thankful to get to work, a welcome distraction from the incessant ringing of her past.

————

**Group Message (Untamed Things Full Cast)**

Poe (Saturday 12:53PM): First rehearsal is tomorrow, everyone! I’ve made this cast group chat so we can all keep in touch about anything that comes up such as room changes/last minute updates/etc. Everyone reply with your name so we know who is who.

————

**Group Message (Magic Eight Ballz)**

Poe (12:55PM): 

Rey, you are ours now :)

Kay (12:56PM): 

ONE OF US

Rose (12:56PM): 

Yessss babes the elite group chat

Jannah (12:57PM): 

Thank god for unlimited texting

Hux (12:58PM): 

Poe please stop making group chats

Finn (12:59PM): 

Welcome, peanut!

Ben (1:36PM): 

No welcome for me?

Poe (1:40PM): 

No Ben, you are 80 years old and can’t respond to texts, also it took you WAY too long to decide to audition. So we like Rey more now.

Rey (1:45PM): 

Should I get unlimited texting?

Poe (1:46PM): 

Oh no Rey. Are you also 80 years old???

————

Saturday passes in a blur of chapter outlines, homework questions, and an essay for a general education class that Rey couldn’t get transfer credits to cover.

She upgrades to unlimited texting, pushing through the anxiety that comes with relying on other peoples’ permanence in her life.

Sunday afternoon seems an odd choice for a first rehearsal, but the longer they go without starting, the more anxious she gets about her role in all of this. A hundred minutes on stage in her skivvies in front of who knows how many people—and Ben.

She’ll see Ben today. They’re certainly not getting rid of each other now.

Smiling is part of her daily routine now. Wake up, smile. Think about her future, smile. Think about her full belly, her friends, her newly-minted control, smile.

She’s starting to forget frowning.

After lunch together, she and the girls head to the rehearsal space—a much smaller room than the lecture hall from auditions. The school apparently won’t let one club hog the bigger spaces, so the cast was stuck moving desks out of the way to make a quasi-stage in front of the projector.

As the cast files in and takes their seats, Rey begins to feel the rising buzz of energy in the room. Everyone is excited, so she allows herself to be so too.

“First rehearsal!” Kay shouts with a jostle to Rey’s shoulders. “You’re really doing it!”

“We’re so proud of you, Rey!” Rose adds, Jannah nodding in agreement.

“Thanks guys. I’m actually...really excited. And scared, obviously. But excited!”

It feels good to admit it, at least to them.

————

Ben’s missed being in a good mood. It’s been longer than he cares to admit since his last one.

There was a glimmer last week when he met Rey, an unfamiliar light piercing cloud in which he allowed himself to reside. 

It’s been years since The Incident, and he’s worked painstakingly on himself, clawing out of the hole, getting his shit together, managing, surviving. But living? Only now does he see what he’s been missing out on, and it’s just beginning.

Rey seems to be missing something too. He can’t help but hope she is finding it here too, in this cacophony of weird, loud, sexual, cheesy ridiculousness.

Guess he’ll find out.

He opens the door to the classroom to find most of the cast already there, chatting away. Rey is surrounded by Rose, Kay, and Jannah, adopted into their makeshift family like she’d been there all along.

He smiles at them, offering a short wave as he tries to look Rey in the eye.

For a moment, her smile falters, and he regrets the intensity of his gaze.

But then, the smile returns, less cheeky and more...welcoming. Inviting. Warm.

He wants to bathe in it, and for this brief moment, he does.

Then he takes a seat with Hux who is chatting up a storm with a couple of the newbies, Phasma and Bazine.

“...I’m just saying, it’s a pity the school only lets the nudity go down to underwear. Free the nipple, right?”

Hux may be the king of swing and a miss, if the look Phasma and Bazine share is any indication. At least he has the decency to look chagrined.

“I mean...never mind,” he tries to backtrack, but the damage is done, and Hux turns to Ben.

“I see you’re making quick work of first impressions, Hux,” he teases.

“Fuck off, Solo.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t flirt your way out of a paper bag.”

“Look who’s talking! When’s the last time you had a date?”

“Doesn’t count, I haven’t been trying. You, on the other hand—”

“Yeah, yeah, safe to fail, what a way to live,” Hux bites.

They pause, as they often do in these little arguments, and reset, teasing jabs never brought up again. Verbal sparring seemed to do wonders for the both of them, an unwritten rule in their friendship contract. Call out the bullshit, force the other to confront it, move on.

The frequency with which they both required a swift kick in the ass by the other was astounding, so the currency trade continued.

Ben was grateful to have one person who wouldn’t treat him with kid gloves.

Poe moved to the front of the room and the chatter ceased.

“Hello, everyone! Welcome to our first rehearsal!”

Ben swears that Poe lives for applause, and it fills the room at his announcement. Try as Ben might to maintain his stoic expression, a smirk creeps onto his face.

He looks at Rey and she’s smiling, too. It’s a lovely color on her. Ben is suddenly struck with a desire to be the reason for her smile and _that’s a little much, Solo, she probably hasn’t even given you a second thought._

“Like I mentioned over email, we’ll rehearse a few times a week. Some rehearsals will be full movie run through, others we’ll work on specific parts with just certain members of the cast. I’ll get the full calendar out this week so everyone can plan accordingly. Today, we’re doing a stumble-through.”

At the looks of confusion around the room, Poe explains further.

“We’re going to put the movie on the projector and I’m going to call out general directions, entrances and exits, some blocking, things like that. You’re all going to stand up and follow what’s happening on screen as best you can. Obviously I don’t expect you all to know everything yet, so looking at the screen is fine, and just following my instructions should be plenty for today. I want everyone to get a feel for the flow of things and get to know their scene partners. We won’t add call lines until at least few weeks in once everyone has gotten acquainted, so for now just focus on learning. Sound good?”

The cast nods and excitement builds.

“Then let’s start the fucking movie!”

Poe moves to the projector, presses play, and the sound of “[Science Fiction Double Feature](https://youtu.be/G5MHNvOVl8Y)” fills the room.

“So, like I mentioned at auditions, the Trixies will do a striptease to this song. Kay will choreograph since she was a Trixie last year. I’d like her and Phasma to enter from the back of the room and take the lead, and then Zorii and Bazine, you’ll enter about halfway through from either side of the stage.”

Nods of agreement, and they let the song play through until the opening scene begins. At the sound of the church bells, Poe gestures for everyone to get up.

“Ok guys, for this, Ben, Rose, Jannah, and Hux are playing parts in the back. Zorii and Bazine, you’ll be the photographers, Phasma, I’d like you to jump in as Ralph, and the winner of the virgin games will play the bride. Din, since you don’t come in as Dr. Scott for a while let’s have you guide the bride from the audience to throw the bouquet. Okay?”

There are nods of agreement, and the cast arranges themselves as the scene plays out.

————

Mitaka is only about an inch taller than Rey, she discovers standing next to him in preparation for “Dammit, Janet.” He seems nice, if a bit reserved. Rey considers that perhaps it’s nerves, as she seems to be overflowing with them at the moment.

Poe is making it easier though, his command of the material and excitement coming through clearly as he guides them through the song and the next several scenes. He assigns Phasma and Kay as the windshield wipers, Zorii and Bazine as motorcyclists, and then it’s time for the [Time Warp.](https://youtu.be/umj0gu5nEGs)

“Okay guys, we’ll have a separate rehearsal for this since it’s one of the trickier scenes, so just watch for now and we’ll come back to it.”

It passes by much too quickly for Rey’s liking since she remembers what’s next.

Sweet Transvestite, or, as Poe so lovingly abbreviates, Sweet T.

Rey gulps, hoping the look on her face can be chalked up to a commitment to her character.

Ben takes his place behind her and Mitaka, and they back up until Rey swears she can feel the heat of his body.

She belatedly realizes this is the closest they’ve ever been.

He turns around in sync with the screen behind him, leaning toward Mitaka and leaving Rey to admire his profile. It’s a new angle, emphasizing the strength of his features, the angle of his jawline and his nose, lashes that are too long to be fair brushing his cheeks.

Rey tries to form her face into the one of fear that Janet is meant to exude, but she’s certain that all she can muster is wonder.

He struts forward, much like he had at auditions, as Poe shouts over the music.

“Ok, the angles of this scene are tricky. Rey and Mitaka, you’ll move down to the right so Hux can bring the throne on. Ben, move back for the cape reveal.”

Ben moves back as instructed and Rey can’t help her flash of disappointment when he keeps his shirt on. 

_What a shame._

When Ben returns, it is to push her and Mitaka backwards, and the touch of a single finger on her chest is the most intense burn she’s ever felt. The only thing stronger is the cold left behind when he removes it.

The cast does their best to keep following the action, the next several scenes passing in a blur of “this is where you guys will strip down” and “Rey, you have to giggle when Ben kisses your hand, not look like you’re going to pass out, Janet’s already done that twice” and “we’re gonna have to start cast field trips to the gym so Finn can have a prayer of lifting Solo when he jumps.”

All too soon, it’s time for [ **that** scene. ](https://youtu.be/QOoFOB0r50A)

That’s what Rey has decided to call it in her head. 

“The scene where the most intriguing man I’ve ever met seduces my character by kissing my entire body and putting his head between my legs and then wrapping my legs around his hips” just seems too long.

Most of the cast is seated now, save for Rose and Hux in the far corner, and Rey assumes her position, slowly kneeling down to lay flat against the cool tile of the floor. There is no cushion for her back, her arms, her heart as it thuds in her chest with anticipation. She turns her head to Poe and squeaks out—

“Is this good?” 

“Yeah, Rey, that’s fine.”

She managed a tight-lipped smile before looking back up to the ceiling. Her heartbeat is damn near erratic now, and she wills her body to still, using the coolness against the back of her legs to ground herself against the nerves.

“Ben, you’ll come in and we’ll have a couple ensemble members hold up a sheet with a light behind it so we can see your silhouettes.”

Rey nods.

This is normal.

This is fine. 

Ben walks over and drops to his knees. She can’t bear to turn her head.

How is it that he seems bigger like this? 

She spreads her thighs when she realizes that he must fit between them. Her brain must be cut off from the rest of her as the thud of her heartbeat travels _down_.

He is about to settle between her legs, palms bracketing her shoulders…

_Are his arms shaking? I thought he worked out?_

...and their eyes lock before Poe calls out—

“Obviously, you guys don’t need to go all out now since it’s the first rehearsal. Plenty of time for that later.”

Ben freezes above her, eyes still locked in an intimate embrace.

“Oh,” he exhales, and he moves back, thighs resting on calves, palms wiping at the front of his jeans. “Good.”

Nerves and heat are chased out by disappointment and hurt.

_Good? Good that he did not have to touch her?_

And Rey deflates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yell at me in the comments or on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/beccastanz), I deserve it.


	5. are you having a party?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Still so much to learn, dearest Rey. Spin the Bottle is pedestrian compared to Poe’s party game genius.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to the madness! Hopefully the longer chapter makes up for the wait! I know these past couple of weeks have been an incredibly stressful time for so many, and I hope that I can at least provide you with a few minutes of escape. Then, keep posting, signing petitions, donating, fighting, doing whatever you can to support the BLM movement <3
> 
> Bleumis created the MOST BEAUTIFUL ART I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE FEATURING BEN AS FRANK AND YOU MUST ALL VIEW IT [HERE](https://twitter.com/bleumis/status/1266143047261335553?s=21)  
> Content warnings in the end notes to avoid spoilers, nothing crazy just want to cover all bases!
> 
> One new song link this time
> 
> Beta and BEAUTIFUL NEW MOODIE by [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda)

When Ben realizes what’s up next, he has to force himself to slow the erratic beating of his heart.

It was **that** scene, the one where Rey would lie beneath him as he trailed his lips and hands over every available inch of skin—if she would let him. He did not presume to know her comfort with this level of intimacy on stage, though he hoped her choice to audition meant that he would get a chance to feel her, even for a moment, even if it wasn’t real.

When she confirmed the accuracy of her position with Poe, her back on the ground, eyes boring a hole in the ceiling, Ben saw a flash of nerves pass through her body, a small tremble in her legs.

Of course she was uncomfortable. Of course she didn’t want to do this with him, the strange man she barely knew hulking over her form, trapping her with no escape, pinning her down with kisses and promises mimed from his lips; they were a pale imitation of the words he hoped to one day whisper in her ear, all his own.

He ignores the thrill that passed through him at the thought. Why couldn’t he stop getting ahead of himself? He saw her trembling, and yet she refused to say she was uncomfortable or ask to stop. So, she was stubborn too. Admirable.

He walks over and kneels as slowly as he can, allowing her every out before putting his arms on either side of her shoulders, willing them to stop shaking, sliding his legs between her now parted thighs. Their eyes meet, and Poe interrupts the fragile moment—

“Obviously, you guys don’t need to go all out now since it’s the first rehearsal. Plenty of time for that later.”

He freezes above her, eyes still locked in an intimate embrace.

“Oh,” he exhales, and he moves back, relieving the pressure on his arms in favor of wiping sweaty palms on the front of his jeans, which he belatedly realizes are just a bit tight in the front. 

“Good.”

He hears Rey’s exhale, a perceived sigh of relief at the permission to avoid contact. He looks back at her, expecting to see the alleviation of nerves painted over her face, but is not treated to a view of her at all as she turns her head away in silence, picking herself up from the unforgiving tiles.

Is this regret?

And if so, whose is it?

————

The rest of rehearsal passes quickly after that, but not quickly enough for Rey’s liking as she spends it considering Ben Solo.

He is primarily small smiles, snark intertwined with professionalism, but there is something different in his smile when it is directed at her. It feels like being let down easy.

She tries to convince herself that that’s fine. They’re all friends now. Why would she risk the first group of friends she’s ever had by trying to pursue one of them?

They could be friends. She could appease her curiosity as friends. 

She could follow Poe’s directions, ignore the inevitable ache in her chest and between her legs at every motion they would go through in the coming months. She was well-versed in her own body by now; she could take care of at least one of those aches by herself.

She could convince herself that it was impossible to feel so connected to someone so soon despite barely knowing a thing about them.

She could pine for him in peace, the sting of longing a familiar one by now.

————

Monday began the first full week of classes, and Rey was looking down the barrel of enough work to keep her mind occupied. Thoughts of Ben were kept at a low simmer as she did her best to follow every lecture, bond with her roommates, and remember to sleep. 

The pressure to start strong was immense and fueled her through more studying and practice problems than strictly necessary by college student standards—she refused to entertain the thought of anything less than the best. Her scholarship was her lifeline.

The group chat remained active throughout the week, and Rey discovered the casual intimacy that came from friends sharing any small thought or occurrence from their day.

She learned that Poe and Finn attended meetings at an LGBTQ group on campus, and that whenever Kay tagged along, she always ate at least two donuts.

She learned that Hux hated group chats, unless someone was willing to listen to his latest rant on singledom or politics.

She learned that Ben had a computer science group project coming up, and he already knew he was going to have to do it all himself.

She learned that Rose was the “Meme Queen,” and Jannah was her slightly surprising second in command.

Rey contributed occasionally with a thumbs up or an anecdote about her creative nonfiction class or a commiserating “that sucks,” but she was primarily content to sit back and let her phone ping with the sound of belonging.

By Wednesday’s rehearsal, she was ready for the break from school stress.

Tonight was dedicated to “Dammit, Janet” through “Sweet T,” and Rey was glad of the excuse to ignore the scene that she had tried to put out of her mind since Sunday. 

She couldn’t fault Ben for his relief at not having to get close to her yet. She barely liked getting close to herself more often than not, swirls of doubt clouding her senses, worsened under stress. However, she was unable to control every zap through her chest when it was Ben’s name that popped up on her phone with a small contribution to the group text chain. If she pretended hard enough, it was as if he was speaking directly to her.

She willed herself to calm down before rehearsal. They were friends. Friends talked, perhaps friends even texted each other directly—if she could ever find the nerve to do it. Friends interacted at rehearsal, chatted, smiled. She couldn’t help but smile around him, at the thought of him, only wavering in that one moment on Sunday which reminded her what a frown felt like gracing her cheeks.

She checked her watch, converting from the time in London now second nature, though unnecessary to show that he would likely be there in just a few minutes.

“You okay, Rey? You seem anxious,” Rose ventured from on top of a desk, Kay taking up the seat beneath it as Jannah sat atop Rey’s.

“Yeah, just school stuff, you know,” Rey half-lied with a shrug.

As Ben entered, Rey cursed the fact that he really was all she remembered, surprisingly light eyes and a strong jaw that she wanted to trace with her fingers, dark and luscious locks that Poe instructed were “not to be cut for the next 2 months, don’t even try it Solo.”

And then, wonder of wonders, those eyes lock on hers, and he is walking over, soft lips poised to speak.

“Hey Rey, how are you?”

Innocuous at most, and yet Rey’s heart flutters.

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking,” she replies with a tight-lipped smile.

“What, you don’t care about how WE are, Benny?” Jannah chides, and then they are all smiling and laughing and the ease is back, the ache gone from her chest, hope renewed.

As Poe welcomes them all to rehearsal, Ben takes a seat next to Rey and she can’t help leaning over—

“Benny?”

And just when she thought he couldn’t get any more compelling, he _blushes._

Not only are his cheeks beautifully flushed, but the tip of an ear pokes out from beneath his hair, colored much the same.

She is struck with an overwhelming urge to kiss every bit of pink skin she can find.

She tamps it down. _Good practice_ she thinks, for all the future urges that will inevitably consume her.

“They pretty much call me everything but ‘Ben,’” he replies to her teasing lilt.

“I’ll call you Ben.”

It’s out before she can stop it, and now they are both blushing, and both feigning ignorance.

“Okay, Rey.”

And god does she love how her name sounds from his lips.

And how a part of her hopes he feels the same about hers wrapped around Ben.

————

Rehearsal passes with little consequence—several runs of Dammit Janet and [Over at the Frankenstein Place](https://youtu.be/i4G-hjfMR4U) and Sweet T later, Time Warp and the striptease left for another day, they are all smiling, laughing, jovial at the progress they’ve made.

Ben’s finger still traps a heat in her chest as he presses her across the stage, Mitaka a mere afterthought in the wake of _him_ so close.

Poe, dramatic as ever, stands atop a desk for his final announcements.

“Great work everyone! Now, in the spirit of bonding, I suggest we all bully Solo into letting us host a little cast get-together at his place on Friday.”

Rey peeks out from her circle of roommates to seek Ben’s face—a mixture of surprise and resignation passes across it as he accepts the inevitable with a sigh.

“Fine. But you guys are bringing the booze. And the pizza. And you’re cleaning up.”

“Duly noted,” chimes Finn.

“I’m bringing my own whiskey,” Hux adds, “since none of you seem to know good booze from swill.”

“Okay, Hugs,” Poe replies as Finn ruins Hux’s perfect coif.

They really like nicknames in this group.

The girls circle Rey again, Rose excitedly filling her in on the coming festivities.

“Cast hangouts are always a blast, we all drink and bond and play party games!”

Rey feels a combination of thrill and trepidation pass through her at the mention of “party games.”

“Um...what sorts of party games? Like Spin the Bottle?”

Kay wraps an arm around Rey, guiding them all out of the classroom before Rey can steal another glance at Ben.

“Still so much to learn, dearest Rey. Spin the Bottle is pedestrian compared to Poe’s party game genius.”

Jannah adds a rather ominous “you’ll see” and Rey is too afraid to ask for any more details.

_How bad could it be?_

————

Classes pick up momentum and Thursday is packed. Rey spends it hunched over in lectures and at her desk, up far past a decent hour. Even Rose, who is a notorious night owl, is asleep before her. Rey tries to tell herself it won’t become a habit.

It sounds like a lie even in her head.

Sleep has always been hard to come by for her, at least decent sleep. Sure, anyone can curl up on a mattress for a handful of hours, but restful peace? Waking refreshed? Rey gave up on those a long time ago, and her peace comes from that.

Friday at the shop is busy enough that the day flies by with barely a lull, but that doesn’t stop Rey from mulling over the possibilities of the nights’ festivities.

Her first real college party—though something tells her this won’t be like the movies. Performers appear to be a different breed, and she imagines that extends to their party-going habits. 

Still, the thrill of belonging and inclusion permeates her being, slowly displacing the fear until it is little more than a catalyst for excitement. Everyone has been kind enough so far (even Hux, though she wouldn’t necessarily call him pleasant), so she can safely assume the party will be fun, right?

Han and Chewie are quiet, and Rey listens to her Elton John playlist while she changes oil and tires and windshield wipers until her overalls and skin are splotched with grease and sweat. It’s satisfying in a way that her assigned homework problem sets rarely are, and she’s got a spring in her step despite the mostly self-inflicted exhaustion.

“Han?” Rey calls into his office. “I’m headed out for the day, unless you need anything else?”

“Nah, kid, you’re good. Go do whatever it is college kids do on Friday nights these days,” he shouts back.

With a short wave to Chewie, Rey bolts out of the garage, in need of a shower and a bit of Kay’s pink drink if her newly returned nerves were any indication.

————

The past hour has been a blur of tweezers, body butter, and too many outfit changes for Rey’s liking. She’s not sure exactly how Rose and Kay managed to get her into the tube top and cutoffs, a shimmer applied to her eyelids and collarbones and strappy sandals adorning her feet. All she knew was one second she walked through the door, the grime of the day covering her, and the next she was stripped and in the shower with clear instructions to _shave against the grain_ and _hurry up or we’re gonna be late_ and _drink this and let us work._

Rey tried to tamp down the instinctual feeling of intrusion, instead focusing on the warmth that comes with being cared for—after all, when had she ever been fussed over like this?

She feels...pretty, almost, when they deem the primping finished and she looks in the mirror. Alien, perhaps, but pretty. 

For once, small breasts seem to play to her advantage, perky and sweet in Kay’s yellow tube top, stomach covered by the high waist of the similarly borrowed jean shorts.

The walk to Ben’s apartment is made lighter by the very slight buzz they are all already sporting, and the constant thrum of chatter between them prevents Rey from letting any additional nerves flood her system.

The night and the pink drink valiantly attempt to keep her warm as they traverse, but there is just enough of a chill in the air that Rey wishes she’d brought a sweater.

Or worn a bra.

————

Ben is absolutely not brooding in his own apartment, wondering why several of his friends are still suspiciously absent.

Absolutely not. Decidedly not.

He also absolutely does not have to fight a cacophony of emotions from passing over his face when the door opens to reveal said friends, Rey in tow.

She’s...glowing.

That’s the only way to describe it.

Her hair and eyes and lips and legs and _fucking collarbones since when did he have a thing for collarbones_ all shine, either from makeup or lotion or radiating joy. Everything about her is warm and bright, the saddened depths of her eyes reduced in the wake of the spirit of the evening.

Then he looks down past the open expanse of her chest and shoulders and has to stop himself from choking on Hux’s stupidly expensive whiskey.

Beneath the yellow of her tube top, he swears he can see evidence of the chilly night air.

A flurry of images pass through his mind before he can stop them. 

_He kisses down her neck and it’s just too easy to pull down that shirt and wrap his lips around one of those perfect peaks—_

“Benny boy! The party can finally begin!” Kay announces, ignoring the fact that most of the room is already a drink or two deep and the pizza is half devoured.

Rey makes a beeline for the open box next to him and he can’t help the lift at the corner of his mouth when she takes the first huge bite before eking out a greeting. 

“Hi, Ben.”

She smiles around the mouthful. Somehow this, the sight of her in his apartment, eating his food (and yes technically it was for everyone but he was letting himself have this moment), was even more of a compelling image than the one his mind had previously conjured.

At least for now.

“Welcome to Hell,” he replied as cheerily as he could muster while both strangers and the annoyances he called friends were sprawled over every piece of furniture and floor space in his living room, drinks and pizza sauce always on the verge of spilling and staining.

“Well, it’s certainly warmer in here than outside,” Rey replies, then makes an exaggerated “brrr” sound as a shiver passes through her.

Ben can’t help sneaking one more glance down before she warms up. He’s only human.

He belatedly realizes her joke and allows himself to crack a full smile once he confirms most of the party guests have congregated in the living room. Her tongue has clearly been loosened by whatever she consumed before arriving.

Ben decides he likes her tongue loose.

————

The couch, chair, and loveseat are at maximum capacity. Rose somehow convinced Snap to give up the armchair so she and Rey could squeeze into it, while Poe and Finn take up residence in the loveseat across the room. The pile on the couch consists of a very cozy looking Hux, who looks to be back in the good graces of Bazine and Phasma if proximity is any indication, and a timid-looking Mitaka pressed into the corner, drink clutched like a vice. 

Jannah offers him a reassuring smile from her place on the floor, leaned against the bottom of the couch as Kay leans against her chest, settled between her open legs. Din, Snap, and Zorii are strewn on the floor next to Rose’s side of the armchair in various states of conversation and drunkenness. Ben has yet to exit the kitchen—Rey can feel his presence behind her and Rose, but refuses to look back.

It doesn’t take long for the casual chit chat to be taken over by Poe, who stands up from Finn’s lap to command the attention of the room, only swaying slightly as he turns to address them all.

“Good evening, Untamed Things! Let us all toast to our gracious host, Mr. Solo Cup!”

The roar is deafening, and in the distraction Rey allows herself to peek at Ben’s smirk and faint blush, from the attention or the whiskey she can’t be sure.

“Join the circle, Benny!” Rose calls out, a bit louder than strictly necessary to carry to the kitchen. “There’s some perfectly good floor next to Rey!”

Rey refuses to look at Ben for fear of showing how much this prospect pleases her. She’s nursing a drink, determined to remember her first real night of college shenanigans (though perhaps rehearsal for a strange lip sync musical would fit the bill of “shenanigans” to most). 

She feels him gaining on her, and as he tangles his unfairly long limbs into a pretzel on the floor, a slice of pizza appears in her view.

“Thought you might want another slice?”

She could cry.

But she won’t.

Instead, she lets out a small “thanks,” reaches for the slice, and ignores the shiver down her spine when their fingertips touch.

They both turn quickly back to Poe.

“Now, for you new folks who may not know, I am the party game connoisseur. There will be no basic Truth or Dare. My games have been designed for maximum cast bonding capabilities, so I hope you guys are ready to get to know each other...intimately,” he finished with a lascivious wink.

“Of course,” Finn interrupts, pulling Poe back down to his lap, “you never have to do or say anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, and no one is allowed to push or make fun of you for your choices. Everyone got that?”

The room nods, though the faces range from Mitaka’s skittish expression to Hux’s absolute glee at the prospect of the evening’s events.

“The game,” Poe resumes, Finn giving him a small tap on the butt as he stands back up, “is King.”

“Like Kings?” Phasma pipes up.

“No, Kings is a drinking game. King,” Poe pauses for what Rey assumes is dramatic effect, “is Truth or Dare on steroids.”

He pulls out a top hat from behind the chair.

“In this hat are 14 pieces of paper, numbered 1 through 13, and one piece with a K. We will pass this hat around and everyone will pick a slip of paper. Whoever gets the K has to come up with a truth or dare of some sort. For example, 12 and 7 kiss, or 8 give 4 a lap dance, or 2 show us the porn you watched last time you got off, or 1 play kiss/lick/slap with 8, 9, and 10.”

There is a low murmur throughout the apartment now at the mention of such debaucheries.

Then Poe announces the piece de resistance.

“After the task is complete, we put all the papers back into the hat. The numbers switch each round.”

A gasp passes through the room.

“That’s fucking awesome,” Bazine exclaims, and the rest of the room, regardless of trepidation, has no choice but to agree.

“Isn’t Poe a genius?” Rose whispers in Rey’s ear, oblivious to her rapidly pounding heartbeat at the thought of a chance encounter with Ben Solo. What was kiss/lick/slap? What if she had to give him a lap dance?

What if HE had to give one to HER?

She vaguely nods in Rose’s direction as her mind swirled with the infinite possibilities to come, barely able to pay attention as Poe started passing the hat around. 

“I’ll be king for the first round and then we’ll get to switching! But if you get the King paper and need help coming up with something, please don’t hesitate to ask for help—I’m very experienced.”

“Yes, dear, we know,” Finn says, pulling Poe back down with a secure arm wrapped around his waist.

The hat is getting closer, and Rey shoves the rest of the slice into her mouth in preparation, hurriedly sucking the grease off of her fingers as she turns to Ben to grab the hat. 

He looks nervous too, for some reason. 

“Goo-” he clears his throat, “good luck.”

“Thanks,” she replies, another shock as their hands brush.

She picks out a paper, grips it like a lifeline and passes the hat to Rose.

She unfolds it.

8.

She wonders what number Ben got. _Should she peek? Is that cheating? It’s probably cheating. But is it really cheating if she’s not King this round?_

“Okay folks, let’s start with something simple to break the ice. 3 and 7, give us a kiss!”

Rey exhales for herself.

Then inhales for Ben.

Then exhales when Phasma and Bazine identify themselves as 3 and 7.

The room whoops as they lean across Hux’s lap and meet for a lip lock just on the other side of chaste—Hux appears to be in heaven.

_Ok. That wasn’t so bad. Right?_

Rey continues this argument in her head as the papers are traded.

3.

“Who’s King?” Poe asks.

Jannah removes an arm from Kay’s waist to identify herself as King.

“I’m not quite as creative as Poe here, but let’s see...how about 9, tell us an embarrassing sex story?”

Kay turns in Jannah’s lap with a suspicious look.

“Did you peek over my shoulder?”

Jannah and the rest of the apartment laugh at that, and Kay rolls her eyes and steels herself in preparation.

“Fine. One time, I was fucking a guy with the lights out, and when he finished he turned on the bedside lamp, looked down, and while he was still inside me asked ‘did you just begin your menses?’”

There is a moment of dead air before the apartment erupts in amusement at Kay’s misfortune.

“It’s not my fault, ok? I was early! And who the fuck says ‘did you just begin your menses?’”

Her protests do nothing to quell the noise, but it eventually dies down enough to pass around the hat again.

A few more rounds pass without incident to Rey or Ben; the room is treated to 30 seconds of fem!Dom porn, courtesy of Phasma’s most recent wank session, Rose admits she’s had a threesome, and Mitaka and Snap share a very awkward liplock.

Then, Rey’s luck runs out.

“I’m King this time,” Hux announces, whiskey-sloshed and red in the face, “and I do decree that 9 shall give 4 a lap dance.”

She is 4 this round.

“Who’s 9?” Rey ventures, doing her best to avoid Ben’s eyes as she scans the room. 

Rose bounds out of their shared armchair.

“Rey Johnson, prepare to have your world rocked!”

_Well, could be worse._

————

Ben is jealous.

He is man enough (and tipsy enough) to admit that. His mind is a mess of images as someone cues up a sultry rhythm and Rose rolls her shoulders back in preparation. He’s sitting so close, a front row seat to his own desperation.

Does he wish he was Rose, in this moment? He watches with his neck craned up, replacing Rose with himself in his mind—he imagines that he is the one to make Rey flush all the way down her chest. Instead of embarrassment as the catalyst, it’s arousal.

He is the one bracketing her in the chair, arm on either side as he slowly grinds his hips in the air, not touching, just teasing.

He is the one to brush the flyaway out of her eye, to make her giggle as he places one foot on the arm rest and thrusts wildly.

He is the one who spins around, treating her to a view of his ass in the air, coming down on her lap, mimicking the torturous grind she performed at auditions—

And now he can’t help but imagine their roles reversed, him in the chair and her, Rey, beautiful Rey, captivating Rey, grinding her perfect backside against him without a care in the world except to impress, to amuse, to arouse until he can no longer take it, pulling her down so he can bite down where neck meets shoulder—

And then the music turns off, the sounds of applause and wolf whistles cutting through his reverie. 

Rey and Rose are both flushed and giggling as they resume their position in the chair.

Fuck, he’d settle for being the chair at this point.

New numbers are chosen in a haze of his own lust, and he looks down to see a small 11 scrawled on the paper.

“The rightful King returns!” Poe shouts from beneath Finn and _when did they switch positions? Is he wearing the top hat now?_

Undeterred by the weight of Finn, Poe continues his speech.

“We are gonna kick it up a notch with some kiss/lick/slap goodness! I will pick someone to dispense the kiss, lick, and slap. The three victims shall line up, eyes closed, and await their fate. One will get a kiss, one a lick, and one a slap. Body location open for interpretation,” Poe says suggestively, and a murmur passes through the room at that.

“The three recipients shall be 12, 13, and 14. And the dispenser...11.”

Ben realizes his number has been called.

He stands.

So does Rey.

_Fuck_.

————

Just when Rey thought she’d recovered from Rose’s very thorough ministrations, her number was called again.

When Ben stands, she can’t decide what number she hopes he is holding.

Perhaps she’s gotten lucky and he is simply one of the recipients? 

She leans over.

“What number are you?”

He swallows—or gulps? She can’t tell.

“Eleven,” he replies, and Rey realizes her luck has simultaneously run out and is just beginning.

“Oh boy, this is gonna be good!” Poe shouts.

Rey can feel eyes on her, particularly her roommates, as she takes her place between Hux and Finn. It’s a testament to her frazzled nature that she didn’t even realize they were the other chosen ones.

Poe shouts for them to close their eyes. They do.

Everything is heightened like this—she has long since stopped drinking, the faint trace of relaxation flushed out by pizza and the thud of her heart. She feels warmth on either side, but the presence in front of her is all the more heated by anticipation.

“Are you guys sure you’re cool with this?” Ben asks, presumably to all of them, though even with her eyes closed Rey swears she can feel the inquiry pointed at her. 

She nods and wills herself to calm.

It doesn’t work.

The air shifts, and she feels Ben walk toward Finn. He pauses.

There is no noise until Finn exclaims “Ewww! C’mon, Solo!” 

She hears an especially loud bark of laughter from the opposite side of the room that she presumes is Poe. 

That must have been the lick.

Ben moves to Hux.

A loud crack echoes through the room and a noise that sounds suspiciously like a stifled moan.

“Fuck you, Solo! Since when is a spank a slap?”

There is an edge to Hux’s tone that suggests his anger is not necessarily pointed at the act, but the administrator.

“C’mon, Hux, we all know you’re into it,” she hears Ben say suggestively as the room titters.

“Perhaps from a beautiful woman, Solo, and despite the incoming corset, you don’t fit the bill,” comes Hux’s snarky reply.

Rey can tell that deep down, these are barbs of a strong friendship, though not a typical one.

She focuses on this to distract herself from what she knows is coming.

A kiss.

Fuck. 

She can feel when Ben starts to move behind Hux, presumably to circle around to her front.

_I shouldn’t have had that pizza my breath probably stinks what if he doesn’t want to kiss me what if I make it weird what if I flinch what if I DON’T flinch fuck fuck—_

Warm, strong hands press against her shoulders and confusion wracks her being.

He’s still behind her.

And then, one outcome she never considered comes to pass.

She feels his breath get closer—it fans over her back as he crouches down and invades her senses—and then there is a light press, soft and plush where her neck meets her shoulder, delicious, dizzying pressure— _Ben Solo is kissing her oh god stay calm don’t move—_ and his lips part, just barely, the warm swipe of wetness like a brand on her flesh as his exhale caresses her chest.

Her entire body _shudders_ before she can stop it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C/W: Cast party shenanigans begin this chapter. Please note that Reylo is endgame and they will NOT actually hook up with any other characters, but party games can get just a bit ~frisky.~ Very brief mention of accidental period sex. Also one single spank.
> 
> soooo how we feelin? Drop a comment or a [DM](https://twitter.com/beccastanz)


	6. i feel released

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He tries not to think about kissing every inch of her. 
> 
> It doesn’t work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *shows up 2.5 months late with an update*
> 
> HELLO BABES! It’s been a while! If you wanna skip this note and jump right into the chapter, fair enough!
> 
> An explanation for the delay: First of all, I got an idea for a WIP that I couldn’t get out of my head, and given the subject matter of it, I put all my energy into finishing it. It’s complete and you can find it [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24848506) (please mind the tags for this one, as it contains consensual noncon play).
> 
> Then, grad school and a new job kicked my ass. I decided to take two summer classes before I found out my job was changing—and then one of my professors decided his class should be like a second full time job 🥴 so writing was a challenge for a while. I managed a few one shots in the meantime, which can be found at the following links: [canonverse sex tape](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24612358), [canonverse consensual lightsaber burn play with force healing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25137658), [modern AU billiards smut](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25295863), [and modern AU soft needy daddy kink](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26063341). I’m so glad to be returning to this fic! I know the update is a bit shorter than usual, but I wanted to get back into gear! I do have some other ideas in the works so will be alternating between this fic and others, but I promise it won’t be 2 months before the next update on this one! This fall is my final class, but I’m only taking one so I’ll have more time to write!
> 
> You’ll also notice the increased chapter count. We’ll see what happens with that 😅
> 
> There has been an amazing influx of art and manips inspired by this fic, so [check](https://twitter.com/thisgarbagepic1/status/1272206707507290114?s=21) [them](https://twitter.com/theriseofswolo/status/1295909926745903104?s=21) [out!](https://twitter.com/plasmamullet/status/1297544583505760261?s=21)
> 
> Special thanks, as always, to [MeedaWrites](https://twitter.com/MeedaWrites) / [meeda](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meeda/pseuds/meeda), my lovely beta :)
> 
> I have no excuse for the meme, it just felt right.

He tries his best to keep the kiss brief, but she’s intoxicating, the skin between neck and shoulder more enticing than any lips he’s ever felt against his own.

Then she quakes in his arms, and he tries not to panic.

Did he overstep? Was she  _ repulsed _ by him? Was this the sheet scene all over again?

The hoots and hollers of their friends break him out of his reverie, and he removes his hands from her shoulders.

“Are you okay?” he manages, eye contact so strong he nearly has to suppress a shudder of his own.

She nods.

“Of course,” she replies—he wonders if it’s his imagination that she’s flushed, a little wobbly on her feet.

Must be the booze.

He takes his place back at her side as she folds back in beside Rose in the armchair. 

He tries not to think about kissing every inch of her. 

It doesn’t work.

————

Rey tries to stave off the embarrassment of her reaction to Ben’s lips—it was a barely a fucking kiss at all, and it still made her weak in the knees.

Rey despises weakness.

She also despises how much she wants to feel it again.

The rest of the party passes in a blur—she hardly heard him ask if she was okay. She must’ve responded affirmatively, because at some point they’re back in their seats, eyes not meeting as the game continues. 

Neither of their numbers get called again. 

Drinks keep flowing, debauchery continues to ensue, and eventually it becomes so late it’s nearly early.

Rose is still drunk—Rey’s been sober for hours, since before a single kiss sent her into a tailspin of intrigue and want. Jannah and Kay are fairly steady on their feet as well, but not enough to support Rose on the walk back to their dorm.

Several people are scattered on the floor, soft snores filling the room.

Ben, the consummate host, is cleaning up as they try to decide if Rose can make it. 

“‘M fiiiiiinneeeeee,” she slurs, decidedly not fine.

The floor is already pretty crowded, and Ben sees their predicament. 

“I’ll walk you guys back,” he offers, and the thought of Ben seeing her room, where she  _ sleeps  _ and  _ studies  _ and  _ tries not to think about him  _ is almost too much to bear. But Kay and Jannah agree before she can say anything. 

“You’re the best, Benny!” Jannah offers, and the five of them quickly begin the trek with Rose held steady between her and Ben.

Campus is still and quiet, only the occasional burst of laughter from a random dorm undoubtedly also enjoying a night of college fun. Kay and Jannah begin a play-by-play recap of the events of the night, discussing the feminist merits of Phasma’s choice of porn and how strangely endearing Mitaka’s blush was after his kiss with Snap.

It’s comforting. It fills the silence so Rey doesn’t have to. 

She and Ben look at each other sometimes. She tries to keep a neutral expression—friendly, but aloof. Kind, but not interested. Casual, not belying what she was actively considering doing the moment she had time alone.

Blessedly, they make it, not a single campus cop in sight. They cross the threshold, and Rose immediately collapses on the couch in their shared living room. 

Kay and Jannah head to bed, soft giggles muffled as they close their door. 

Ben looks at her, then at Rose, then back at her. She never wants him to look away.

“Should we try and put her in bed?” he asks, a small gesture toward the closed door of her shared room and a quirked eyebrow that should not be as adorable as it is.

Snores fill the room before she can answer.

Then, it’s just Rey, Ben, and a passed out Rose. 

“We should probably just let her sleep,” she finds herself saying, slightly swayed by the promise of an empty bedroom. Surely Rose would do the same, were their roles reversed?

“Fair enough,” he says, moving to their bathroom to grab the trashcan and place it beside the couch. 

He’s so  _ thoughtful.  _ It’s enough to make her chest tighten. 

Rey’s never had anyone to take care of her. She doesn’t  _ need  _ anyone to take care of her.

But it might be nice. Maybe. One day.

There’s nothing left to do except thank him, so she does. 

“Of course,” he responds, like going out of his way is the most natural thing in the world.

And he leaves. 

The back of him invades her senses yet again. 

As soon as the door shuts, she can’t get inside of her room fast enough. The tube top feels cloying, the shorts restrictive. She’s naked before she can blink, and the judgement free glow of three in the morning peeks through the blinds of her room. Normally, she’d put on some pajamas, something for a semblance of modesty, but the images of the party and rehearsals and the scent of  _ Ben, Ben, Ben,  _ consume her. She crawls into bed to lay naked on the sheets.

There’s a moment’s hesitation before she continues, guilt and confusion peeking through the cloud of lust that already threatens to overtake her, but the haze between night and day protects her from sense as she skates a hand down her body.

She starts at her neck, teasing drags of her own fingertips against the sides, her pulse thudding beneath the skin, syncing with the ache already building between her legs. She imagines Ben’s hands, his fingertips, so much larger than hers but with a likely tenderness she’s spotted beneath his hardened exterior.

She wonders how long he’d spend here, tracing the flesh she left exposed at the party, all shoulders and collarbones and she remembers how his lips felt against her. A small sigh escapes as she teases herself with the thought of his desire. She lets herself think it, hope for it, in solitude. Hope feels dangerous, misplaced. It heightens the ache.

Her legs spread of their own accord, cool air against rapidly dampening flesh. Her hands travel lower now, the precious resource of time allowing her to draw out her own pleasure, rather than a quick attempt between classes before solitude is broken. She pinches at a nipple, her other hand slowly tracing patterns across her stomach, teasing until she can no longer resist lowering a hand between her legs.

She gasps at the amount of wetness she finds. No doubt she gave herself a head start at the party. The ghost of Ben’s kiss still consumes her as she begins to trace patterns around her outer lips with her collected moisture, skating a touch across her clit before moving back to dip between her folds. It’s almost too easy to sink a finger in, then another, slowly thrusting and stretching, imagining a much deeper, wider stretch at the hands of a man she still hardly knows. 

Her mind drifts deeper into thoughts of him. Would he know how to please her? Is it possible he’d be able to bring her to a peak without the years of knowledge she’s built up about her own body? Could he find that special spot inside of her, curl his fingers just right until she was putty beneath him, before bringing his other hand to that sensitive bundle of nerves that she always saved for the end?

She’s fucking herself harder now, sorely tempted to add a third finger as she recalls just how  _ big _ Ben is all over. But her patience is long gone.

She can’t bear the thought of an orgasm while empty—usually she pulls out to rub fast, tight circles around her clit, but tonight feels different, debauched in a new way. Her mind wanders to Ben in a corset, Ben in heels, Ben kneeling between her legs with reverence on a stage for all the world to see—she flips onto her stomach, two fingers still buried in her cunt as she starts humping her palm, panting breaths escaping, muffled by her pillow as she grinds her clit down onto the heel of her hand.

She’s thrashing now, images a cacophony of want in her mind, but in the end, what pushes her over the edge is the memory of his lips against her tender flesh, that small swipe of wetness like a brand as she brings her other hand to press down on that spot, the spot he  _ claimed,  _ even though he doesn’t know he did.

Her orgasm hits like a shot and she feels herself clench around her own fingers, riding the wave as long as she can with her hips pressing her hand deep into the mattress.

This was to remain a secret between her, her hand, and 3:12am.

————

The cool air on the walk back to his apartment does nothing to stop the low level of arousal in Ben’s blood. He can’t stop thinking about how Rey felt beneath his hands, his lips—no matter how much he knows he shouldn’t be thinking about her like this, it’s impossible to purge the images and feelings from his mind. How she shuddered beneath him. How her breasts curved against the fabric of her tube top. How her long legs folded into his armchair like she was meant to be there, meant to be in his space, filling it up.

God fucking  _ damn _ his stupid horny brain for conjuring up the literal worst metaphors of all time. He shouldn’t be thinking about her collarbones, how she smelled so sweet, and he  _ definitely  _ shouldn’t be thinking about  _ filling anything up. _

Walking across campus half-hard at three in the morning was more than enough shame for a lifetime.

That is, until he got back to his apartment and realized three things at once.

  1. His living room is full of passed out drunk people.
  2. He still couldn't stop thinking about Rey.
  3. He absolutely needs to get off.



With a sigh, he steps over the haphazardly strewn bodies to his bedroom—only to discover that Finn and Poe had taken it upon themselves to crash on his floor.

He really needs better friends.

Well, this is his apartment. No one can disparage him for a middle-of-the-night shower, surely?

He steps into the bathroom with a fresh pair of boxers in hand. Maybe there’s still hope—a cold shower could be enough to break him out of this frankly dangerous line of thinking. Sweet, gorgeous Rey—out of his league and too beautiful for words and a fellow tortured soul. His chest hurts at the thought of making her uncomfortable.

But his dick was a traitor, even beneath the cool water.

Not for the first time, he’s thankful that no one can read minds.

He wraps his hand around himself, body wash easing his movements as he drags slow strokes from base to tip, full hardness approaching rapidly at the thought of Rey’s soft skin beneath him. Just the press of his lips to her neck made him weak—he’s surprised he didn’t shudder, too.

He wonders if she’s just as soft everywhere else, and realizes with a jolt that he might get to find out—she’ll be spread beneath him in nothing but a bra and panties, maybe a short little skirt slip that will inevitably bunch around her thighs. Maybe he’ll get to kiss her lips, her neck, make a path down her chest, make her writhe above him when he presses his lips into her thighs—

_ Fuck. _

It was dangerous to dream, but he couldn’t fucking stop. He’d never have her for real, would have to settle for stolen moments at rehearsal and try not to get his hopes up.

He pushes down the rational part of his brain that says it’s too late. 3:26am is no time for rationality.

So he succumbs, picturing her first in the innocent white of her opening costume, then the fiery red and black she’d sport by the end, gyrating her hips like she had at auditions, balancing in heels, chest pushed up within an inch of its life—

Then softness invades his senses—her laugh, her smile, her freckles, her hair, and he wonders if maybe he could be the one to make her smile.

It’s a fleeting thought—and it somehow feels more invasive than imagining fucking her.

So he goes back to the thought of her creamy-white thighs bracketing his head or his hips, and he spills over, desperation covering his hand and chest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully it was worth the wait! I will see you all again as soon as possible :) please drop a comment if you’d like. I’m happy to hear predictions and thoughts 👀. You can also always find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/beccastanz). Thank you for your patience <3 I’m so glad to be back!


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